


Writer's Block

by OtomeHime (Kosho)



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Anal Sex, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Drunk Sex, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Male Protagonist, Multiple Pairings, No Spoilers, Non-Canon Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Secretly a Virgin, Sex, Tags Are Fun, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Virginity, Work In Progress, Writers, Yaoi, relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-08-24 04:07:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8356540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kosho/pseuds/OtomeHime
Summary: Noel Moon is the latest member of the RFA. He is a renowned, self-loathing author, often mistaken for being a woman. Deciding to make the best of his time with the RFA, he decides to spend some time with each member seeking inspiration.This may contain pairings with all characters. Obviously there will be m/m pairings. I'm not sorry. Okay, maybe a little?





	1. The Perfect Man?

**Author's Note:**

> The plot is a little strange in regards to the assumption that each character's section begins at a point when they are interested at least a bit in a relationship, sorry for the late note. Ultimately, someone will be chosen, but since I haven't decided that yet, I can't say who it will be. 
> 
> Each section may be treated as separate, but I also don't know if that's a guarantee yet >

Noel dropped his head to the counter in front of him. This whole situation was just too inconvenient and frustrating. He was incredibly busy lately, and now, because he thought to do a good deed, he was trapped in an isolated apartment, with even more work. Trying to find the positives in the situation, new scenery might be inspiring, and it wasn’t like he had never attended high class gatherings, organizing a party didn’t sound difficult. Thanks entirely to his tongue and his brain, he had more than a fair way with words. Of course, the main downside is that the people he was meant to work with were absolutely convinced he was a woman. A common mistake, naturally, everything about him fell just in between distinctly male or female, his features were often mistaken for those of a beautiful woman, and his voice was in a sweet spot that left people guessing as well. Even both his given name and his pen name were relatively unisex. 

 

Of course, he  _ had  _ told them right off that he wasn’t a woman, but that never made a difference, everyone made snap decisions on who he was and stuck with it like this. Dividing his focus between the constant chatting, the influx of phone calls and the slow trickle of e-mails and the blank paper in front of him was enough to make him want to cry. No one was allowed to know where he was? How was he supposed to conduct his research this way? The internet only went so far with feeding his imagination, and it was more helpful to have a live visual, from all angles, and even then, his work was only subpar as it was. Forget the awards and the high sales, the people who read the trash he had written had no mind for these things. Probably all blind or, perhaps lacking in intelligence, it was awful drivel, and only he could see it. 

 

It was then that it occurred to him. The people he was meant to work with now, they were from varied backgrounds too. The corporate heir and his assistant, a slacker student with a talent for video games, a musical actor, a hacker and the more mysterious photographer who was even more mysteriously absent, apparently. Surely there was inspiration to be found in them, except that also meant considering how best to study them. Zen was often busy with rehearsals, and just meeting someone out of the blue seemed like a poor idea, Seven didn’t seem to want to be disturbed, and on top of that, had little time to do so. Yoosung would probably be more focused on the game he liked or rarely, on his studies rather than him. That left Jaehee or Jumin, and of the two, Jaehee was the most busy, not to say Jumin wasn’t busy either, but the options were poor. That and that man might sue if he wrote something too poor with him in mind. Ugh. What he wouldn’t give for just an ounce more skill. 

 

A while into his day, he actually caught a bit of a break. Zen had brought up the issue of wanting to meet him, though he mentioned V would never let him come over. That wasn’t a problem, he could just as easily go somewhere else. It took a little convincing, but he had agreed to meet him at a small park that seemed out of the way enough to afford them a little privacy. He hadn’t brought much, save for a pack of cigarettes, a pen, his phone and a notepad. Noel draped one leg across his knee, waiting patiently, taking in the scenery around him. It had felt like forever since the last time he actually had a bit to take in the fresh, clean air and to enjoy a little nature. He laid his things out at his side, arranging them specifically before reaching for a cigarette, stretching back against the bench, elbows hung over the back side. 

 

He held back a chuckle. From the selfies he had posted, of course it was obvious who he was. It was amusing to watch him look around, trying to find who he thought ‘she’ might be. Being the only one there, he finally approached, grinning happily. 

 

“Honey, did you wait for me long?” he asked, no hint of embarrassment. 

 

Wow. He had honestly been the one he thought would be the least relatable in the entire group, but to say such things so easily, maybe he was actually the perfect man after all. Someone like that would surely be popular with readers. Noel flicked the growing ash, exhaling slowly before holding out a hand to him. 

 

“I just got here a bit ago, myself. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Noel Moon.” he introduced himself. 

 

Not content to shake hands, he bent down, his lips grazing the back of his hand. Another person who couldn’t see the truth for what it was, even after explicitly stating he wasn’t a girl. Oh well. If it was more comfortable for him to think that way, he wouldn’t complain. Zen took a seat next to him, observing in silence for a few moments. Long, pale blonde hair, straight except for a single thin braid down the front, clipped at the side with black ‘x’ shaped pins. His eyes were narrow, but large at the same time, an odd shade of pink, but the RFA was a haven for people with unusual features. Pale skin, a single mark on his face, at the corner of his mouth, itself a soft pink shade. He was dressed fairly simply too, a sleeveless button up in black, with red trim, and a pair of black slacks. His lips twisted in a slight grin, like he could read Zen’s mind. 

 

“My father was French. ‘I take more after my mother than him, however.” he stated factually. 

 

“Was I staring? I was just thinking Seven was right. You really are cute. So eager too, my heart was beating when you asked to meet me here.” he said quietly. 

 

“Well, thank you for that. My reasoning is sadly more business than anything. I had hoped to be able to observe you for a little while naturally. Perhaps take a few pictures? I assure you my interest is strictly business related.” he explained in a tone that left no hint of ulterior motives. 

 

Zen poked his nose lightly, grinning. “I might be willing. Though I wonder, what’s in it for me?” 

 

Of course there was a cost. Even the people he had worked with who  _ weren’t _ nearly famous were notorious for requesting something in exchange. Zen was different in that he didn’t seem to be swayed by money, which meant he had to be smart about bargaining with him.

 

“What would be appropriate compensation, in your opinion?” he asked curiously. 

 

“One date. If you really feel I’m worth it, maybe a kiss, hm?” he said playfully. 

 

His eyes narrowed, looking for a hint of a joke in there somewhere. It wasn’t like he had never been propositioned by men before, or even that he disliked it, he wasn’t against it in the least, only that he was fairly certain he still believed he was a woman. Dropping his cigarette, he pressed it into the dust-covered ground under his boot, shrugging finally. 

“So that’s your taste. If that’s all you want, and you’re certain, I guess it’s no trouble.” he sighed coolly. 

 

“You make it sound like you aren’t even a little interested, that’s so sad.” he pouted quietly. 

 

“I’m not, not yet anyway. I barely know you. My heart lies in the ink on my pages, I don’t have one to give away.” he stated matter-of-factly. 

 

“Are you a reporter or something?” he wondered, realizing he didn’t exactly know what he did. 

 

Sweeping a delicate hand through his hair, his bangs springing back into place, he glanced to his notepad and pen, aware that it could seem like that. “I’m a writer. Not a very good one, I admit, sales are good, but only because people have no taste these days.” 

 

Zen tipped his head with interest, leaning a little closer, just enough to avoid infringing on his space. “Oh? What do you write?” 

 

At the very least, he hoped he had never read his work. He was pleasant company and equally pleasing to the eye, seemed charming and smart, and he would hate for his opinion to change about him. Noel’s head dropped to the back of the bench, staring up at the sky, debating how best to answer that question. 

 

“Mmm….ahh...most recently, it was ‘Atelier’ and ‘Song’s Secret Love’. There are, of course, others. None very good, but I have deadlines to meet.” he said with disgust. 

 

“Is that the one about the butler who falls for his employer’s girl?” he wondered. “I haven’t read it, but I remember hearing about it.” he questioned. 

 

“That’s the one. I hear those things are popular these days.” he answered, pausing to examine his braid closer. 

 

“So then, you’re Florian Na? That’s really cool. There are a lot of people who talk about adapting your work. I guess it’s pretty steamy stuff.” he said. 

 

His eyes narrowed with disdain, barely registering the faint dark circles under his eyes, and the red rim along the bottom. Poor thing, sleep must be hard to get with such a busy schedule to stick to, and the RFA was only adding to it, but it really couldn’t be helped now. 

 

“It’s drivel. Smutty drivel. There’s no need to elevate it anymore than it already is.” he said at the end of a long, heavy sigh. 

 

Clearly, Noel didn’t want to discuss that topic any further. Trying to put him back in a better mood, Zen snagged his shoulder, drawing him closer with a slight smile. “You said pictures, right? Why don’t we take the first one together then?” 

 

There was no end to his energy, and Noel actually envied him a little for it. How anyone could seem so sunny and cheerful all the time was beyond him. Sighing again, he forced a smile, trying not to ruin it for him. This was a lot of effort just for research. On the other hand, a lot of people could identify with the concept of fawning over and even fantasizing for people they viewed as out of their league, so it made sense to conceptualize a story about falling for a celebrity. He was a good model for that, he supposed, someone with high energy and such a nice smile, who could say embarrassing things with ease would be quite popular. His phone made a clicking sound to let them know the picture had been taken, and Noel wormed out of his loose hold, scrawling a few vague notes, not enough for most to understand, but he only needed keywords anyway. 

 

“About this date. I’ll need to know the when and where of it. You seem to have an erratic schedule, so I’ll do my best to work around yours, I think.” he said, switching the subject. 

 

“I’ll let you know when I have time for that.” he said, putting a finger to his lips in thought. “Will you wear something cute?” 

 

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes he gave a nod. Assuming he was hinting at wanting him to wear a dress, that too wasn’t exactly a first for him. He was often encouraged to wear them from time to time during interviews, ‘emphasizing the mystery of who he was’ which he took to mean ‘let’s really confuse the world as to if you’re a man or a woman’. It was a cheap tactic, one he didn’t care for, but not enough to put up with an argument over. Seven seemed accustomed to it as well, though for entirely different reasons. 

 

“For the sake of being upfront, I intend to keep these photos to myself, they won’t be released, strictly for research as I mentioned. However, as such, it may be best to take some out of the public view. I don’t particularly want people to get the wrong idea about it.” he restated. 

 

He seemed to have the wrong idea about it as well, except that the reaction was all wrong. 

 

“Oh, you want something special, just for you? That’s so cute. Alright, sometime, I’ll invite you over, and you can take as many as you like. Hm... although that will be an extra date and...uhmm...two kisses. Fair?” he asked. 

 

The idea of haggling with such a strange person felt strange. Whatever got the work done, but he wasn’t going to be the one troubled when the realization that he really was a man struck him. Either way, the party date hadn’t been set, which meant he had to really be on top of all his work if he intended to study every member carefully. He could probably comfortably devote two solid days to each person, plenty of time to decide if the ideas he gained from them would pan out well enough. 

 

“If that’s what you want, that’s a small enough price to pay for this. It is, of course, appreciated, Mr. Ryu.” he said formally. 

 

Zen cringed a little at the name. He shook his head vehemently. “Whoa, that’s so weird. If you don’t want to call me Zen, then I guess Hyun is fine, but...Mr. Ryu…” he shivered again. 

 

“Very well. In that case, please feel free to call me Noel.” he decided. 

 

“Mm. Nope. That’s so cold and impersonal~” he refused. 

Such a persistent man. Arguing always sapped his energy, already far too low as it was. He waved a hand half-heartedly, letting him do as he pleased. His phone rang, and he frowned, answering it, talking for a bit before hanging up with a dismayed sigh. 

 

“I have to get going. I’ll get ahold of you later to work out the details, alright? Bye, babe~” he said with a wink. 

 

He sat in stunned silence, grabbing up his things once more, a small chiming bell signalling a message. Pocketing all but his phone, he opened the message curiously, raising his eyebrows at the picture. It was the same one he had just taken, apparently he wanted him to have it also. Considering it for a moment, he saved it before dropping it into his pocket, heading back to wait for a cab. Hopefully this was worthwhile, and not just going to be one big distraction...


	2. First Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noel arrives early for the first date, and things take a strange turn after a few rounds of drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't perfect, but I kind of like it.

Noel raised the lace-lined sleeve up a little higher, looking at his watch. His face flushed with embarrassment, this was by far the worst choice he had ever made. Zen had texted him the next morning, far quicker than he expected to be summoned. All but the barest essentials were still at his own house, so he had to do a bit of shopping, and while no one looked at him as if he stood out at all in the store, it certainly bothered him. He preferred something more casual, easy to move in, it was easier to think when he was comfortable, and this dress did nothing to make him feel at ease. Not only that, but he had arrived far too early, it had the feeling of some eager fool, showing up early in the vain hope that their love interest would also have done the same. He glared accusingly at the purse looped around his shoulder, something he felt forced to wear simply because this dress had no pockets. Fumbling for his pack, he meant to have a quick cigarette, grimacing as he dropped it back into place. He had sat at a salon for far too long to damage his appearance, and while the color the woman had selected for his lips was pleasant, he didn’t feel like looking too sloppy by smudging it. 

 

Acting the part of a beautiful and elegant woman was one thing, he didn’t mind doing it if it was for work, but this was different, and disheveled women were the subject of passionate tales of his works, not his life. At the very least, he now had a begrudging respect for the women who went out of their way to do this sort of thing regularly. Raising his hand, he examined it disdainfully, the colorful nails that covered his own were clearly not meant to accommodate functionality very well. None of it mattered as long as he kept his reasons firmly in his mind, remembering the reason he had chosen this profession was enough to give him the will to keep going, no matter what the challenge was. He hoped the party was soon, he wanted to return to his own house, and then there was that. Well, there was still time before he should be arriving, enough time to call and check in. The quiet ringing continued on for some time before a voice was heard on the other end. 

 

“Hello?” a woman asked. 

 

“Nari.” he said by way of greeting. 

 

“Ah, I was wondering when you were going to call. You haven’t been home in some time. Is everything okay?” she pressed. 

 

“Don’t worry about it. I’m away on business, I’ll return when I can, it might be awhile.” he answered almost coldly. “How is Min?” 

 

“He’s sleeping right now. Should I wake him to speak with you?” she asked quietly. 

 

“Don’t. Let him sleep. I’ll see him soon enough. Make sure he stays healthy and works hard. Goodbye.” he said, not waiting for an answer to hang up on her. 

 

Noel stared at his phone in silence before dropping it gracelessly into the purse. He had been so focused on what he was doing, he missed the approaching footsteps. 

 

“Is it really okay to leave things like that?” someone asked. 

 

Zen had arrived, and earlier than expected, if only just a little. “It’s fine. It can’t be helped right now, so just forget about it.” 

 

Clearly it was a sore subject, one best left alone. Instead, he smiled, taking a moment to appreciate the way he looked before depositing his hand on Noel’s lower back, leading him into the small building he had been waiting at. 

 

“You look very cute today. I didn’t expect you to go that far! You must really be serious about this after all.” he praised. 

 

“You doubted that? I said this was strictly business, and I take that very seriously. Even if I don’t enjoy the outfit, I will do my best to hold up my end.” he said as politely as he could. 

 

They found a quiet table by the back, somewhat dark and off from the others. A perfect place, with a low chance of being seen or bothered by anyone, save for the staff. It had nothing to do with a desire for privacy, but everything to do with wanting as few people as possible to see him like this. He let go of his back, reaching for his hand, keeping it until he was safely in his seat. Crossing to the other side, he took a seat, and conversation ceased for a time until they had ordered. Zen seemed surprised to find out Noel was ordering drinks, paying for it up front so it could be delivered immediately. 

 

“You like to drink as well? I prefer beer, but this is fine too.” he said with a smile. 

 

Noel poured him a drink, sliding it across the table before serving himself, tapping the surface of the table quietly. 

 

“If there’s nothing else, beer is fine. This is my favorite, however. Much more potent, perfect for loosening the knots in my mind.” he explained. 

 

He stared at the glass in front of them, waiting to see how Noel took it first, watching him finish it in one drink, pressing a hand to his chest for a moment after. Feeling comforted by his reaction, he drank his, alarmed by the after burn, despite the misleading sweetness of it.

 

“You must be used to this. It’s not...ugh… not bad.” he groaned, allowing him to refill it before continuing. “You said knots in your mind, is that just stress, or is it something else?” 

 

The food arrived, a perfect excuse to think about the best answer to it. It made sense to him, but he had never had to explain it before. All things considered, it was good, though it made him think too much that he hadn’t eaten properly in some time. 

 

“What I mean by that...I suppose it could be stress, but it’s a little different. Half-formed ideas get jumbled up in my head, and then I get upset with myself, and I lose focus, and real life seeps into it. It gets messy and hard to smooth it all out again,” he had no idea if it made sense to anyone but himself after all. 

 

“That makes sense. Sometimes I have things like that too, some roles are hard to get into completely, and then...it’s a lot of really negative and sad feelings, isn’t it? That’s not just me, right?” he asked, suddenly unsure of himself. 

 

“Yeah, exactly. It’s hard to ignore.” Noel agreed, topping off their glasses once more.  “Enough about that though. I’ll grab my notes here. We can begin this whenever you like.” 

 

Zen reached across the table, putting his hand on his to stop him. “None of that now, babe. This is supposed to be a date, if you want to work so much, come back to my house with me after, you can talk to me all you like, and get those pictures at the same time. Two birds, yeah?” 

 

Noel slumped his shoulders in defeat. Clearly he was more of a challenge than he had prepared for. Either way, this was his payment, it wasn’t appropriate to rush it after all. 

 

“As you say, we’ll work later then. You’ll have to forgive me, I’m not quite used to these things.” he mumbled. 

 

“Wait, seriously? I kind of figured you’d be the type who went on a lot of dates. I’m shocked.” he admitted. 

 

Noel drained another glass, glancing to his. Almost empty, he topped it off, glad for the distraction. Setting the now empty bottle to the side, he rearranged his dishes in order of which he preferred them. He felt the warmth in his face, probably a combination of such a personal question embarrassing him and the high alcohol content. What a foolish thing, blushing like a child, it was disgraceful. 

 

“No. I don’t have much time for dates normally. That and the ones I had been made to go on before weren’t enjoyable, nothing to look forward to. That’s not to say I’ve never been in relationships before, however boring and short lived they were.” he sighed. 

 

“Is that why you say you’re not interested in me?” he wondered. 

 

“Do you really want me to be?” Noel questioned, raising a suspicious eyebrow. “No, like I said, I have no heart to give. Besides, someone like me, you’d never be happy with. I’m very difficult, I can be cold and...well, I suppose I don’t have very good control over myself.” 

 

“I wouldn’t mind if you were. I don’t believe that, it sounds like excuses.” he said, denying it. 

 

“I’m not just saying it. I’ve never actually loved anyone romantically. In the past, I acted on impulse, and what I thought was love faded too quickly and I moved on easily. I mean it though, I really can’t control myself, though it takes a lot to provoke me to action.” he admitted. “Your turn. Why exactly do you want me to like you?” 

 

“I can just tell you’re different. You’re really cute, but you don’t seem to like me for any of the reasons anyone else does. It’s like you don’t care at all about my looks or what I do, none of that makes a difference with you. You just have a way of putting me at ease. I’m being honest, there’s a lot of reasons, although I wonder why you need reasons. I just feel what I feel.” he said, trailing off quietly at the end. 

 

Noel sighed, a bit troubled by the look on his face. Vulnerability and sadness were awkward things for him, and it was uncomfortable. Ideally, he could change that, but there really was no way. 

 

“I won’t ask you to change your feelings then. I don’t expect that anything could happen, so I’ll wait patiently until those feelings fade.” he said. 

 

He was well-known, famous, some might suggest, but that was only because people had no taste in good reading. As a result, he was used to hearing these things, and after so long, surely the people who said those words had moved on peacefully. It was possible that he had become somewhat cynical, after spitting out so much crap about love and passion, that he no longer believed those things existed, at least in a romantic capacity. 

 

“They won’t. You’ll be waiting a long time.” he said with a laugh, watching for a moment. “You have the longest eyelashes I’ve ever seen. A shame they’re most noticeable when you’re brooding. You’re too pretty to look so down.” 

 

Noel took a slow breath, giving up at that exact instant. He wasn’t going to understand that he wasn’t a girl, and if by some miracle he actually did realize that, ‘cute’ was one thing, even he occasionally thought that about himself, but ‘pretty’? That was so girly, and it felt weird to hear such a thing. Being fair, he wasn’t exactly terribly tall, and he had inherited his mother’s smaller build, as opposed to his father’s broader one.

 

“Well, if you say so then it must be true.” he sighed, deciding not to fight it. “Though even if you say I shouldn’t look down, I still have plenty of reasons to.” 

 

Zen raised an eyebrow at that, curiosity in his eyes, though he looked like he was debating whether or not it was fine to ask. “Like what?”

 

Oh. He really did ask. To someone like him, it probably would only sound like entitled whining, but it was valid to him. “I was thinking of my family.” he admitted. Not in the least romantic, and it might even kill the date atmosphere. “Let’s leave it at that. I don’t want to talk about it.” 

 

“Oh, I get it. Family is a difficult subject for me as well.” he mumbled. Staring down at the table, he gave a small, forced smile. “I’ll just go take care of the bill and get a cab. It’s a good thing we didn’t drive here, isn’t it? I didn’t expect such strong drinks.” 

 

It was his turn to change the subject, and for a moment, Noel wondered if his family life was even more stressful than his own. Either way, it wasn’t like he intended to get close enough to know that story, just as he didn’t plan to share his own. “Are you really feeling it? I must be used to it by now. I wonder if my liver is swimming?” 

 

He meant it entirely as a joke, he hadn’t been of age to drink for that long, and in truth, it hindered his work more than helped most of the time, so he tried to confine it to times when he was in between works as much as possible. Zen disappeared for a time before returning to him to walk him to the cab, offering an address for the driver to go. He said to come back to his place, so it made sense that it was likely his. For the briefest moment, he found himself actually curious about what his house was going to be like. He held back a small laugh, grinning at the thought that entered his mind. Jaehee had been the one most insistent about him getting involved in something like having a girlfriend for the sake of his fans, and trying to dissuade him from thinking about dating. How would she feel about hearing that he had not only went on a date with someone, but invited said person back to his house, and that it wasn’t a girl. Would that make it better, or worse? Either way, in a story based on Zen, she had a place too, instinct told him as much. A die hard fan who didn’t want her perfect celebrity dating to maintain the fantasy that he was staying single for a reason. That wasn’t a good enough romance, there had to be a fitting lover for such a character, though he hadn’t learned enough to decide what type of person suited the best...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nari and Min will feature later. At the end of the day, I want to give it at least a little plot, so I'm trying :D
> 
> >>; nsfw warning on the next chapter, things may or may not get adult. Just a warning.


	3. Seconds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At Zen's house, Noel is eager to get to work, but Zen seems to have other plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning~

Noel shifted in his seat, rummaging for his phone and his notepad, hooking his pinky around his pen, setting it on the floor and leaning back. Zen stretched out on the couch, a short distance away, his head resting on his hand. All things considered, he wondered if it really was the best time to be asking questions at all, he appeared to be off in his own little world. Still, though, he had to at least give it a chance before he gave up on it for another time. 

 

“Do you have time for this now?” he asked, making sure first. 

 

As if snapping out of a trance, he sat up slowly, nodding once. “Sure. What did you need to ask, you had questions, right?” 

 

Noel cleared his throat, suddenly aware that this might be a challenge to bring up. He was never the type to get flustered about these matters in the past, but considering the conversation at the restaurant, he had to admit it concerned him now for some reason. Trying to focus, he held the pen to the paper, not daring to look away from the crisp, lined white paper.

 

“Ahem. First question, how would you consider yourself in the sense of…” he hesitated, glaring at the sheet of paper like it had personally offended him, mentally berating himself for his weakness. “In the bedroom.” 

 

Zen didn’t seem at all troubled by the question, and that pissed him off a little bit. He wasn’t struggling even a tiny bit, it was only him making a big deal out of it. 

 

“In the bedroom? I’m not really sure. I haven’t --... I mean… I’m considerate, but aggressive.” he answered, faltering only for a moment. 

 

Exhaling slowly, he wrote a few sparse notes, enough to be useful only to him, pretty much. 

 

“I see. What kind of person appeals to you most in a romance?” he asked next. 

 

He smirked, and it was the kind of look that told him he had made a big mistake. He cringed in preparation for the answer, having a sneaking suspicion he might say something like ‘you’. 

 

“I like someone sensible, and cute. Looks aren’t as important as personality though. Someone who makes me feel good about myself and...well, everything, I guess.” he said with a shrug. 

 

Thank goodness. A good answer, he had braced for nothing after all. 

 

“Someone like you.” he said. 

 

Noel resisted the urge to drive his palm into his face hard enough to blast it out the back of his head. His left hand rose, sweeping through his hair before curling in it and tugging gently as if to bring himself back to focus. Work was rarely this hard, there was the occasional girl who squealed a bit too much, and had trouble answering, and that was annoying, but luckily, that was rare, and it made him glad he focused more on the male ended aspect of his stories. Mostly, his feminine looks paid off there, too. Men were quick to open up to someone they mistakenly thought was a pretty girl. 

 

“I’m not adding that into my notes. Proper authors never insert themselves at will.” he said, more as a quick excuse. “A-anyway...Is there some scenario you find yourself drawn to? Since I have the chance to get into detail, it’s helpful for getting a good picture of how things should go.” 

 

He grinned wider then. “Are you really sure this is just for work? You’re  _ really _ not just curious for other reasons?” 

 

“As if. My feelings haven’t changed in such a short trip.” he huffed. 

 

“I would have been willing to show you if you said anything else.” he teased. “Hmm… I suppose it could be fun to do something like that in a lake, maybe?” 

 

Noel stared at him for a moment, unsure if he should take him seriously or not. It occurred to him that he had never actually written anything like that. No, that could really work, if nothing else, it was worth noting, even if he didn’t use it, the idea alone was good enough to put away for later. 

 

“Last question I have for now. Do you do anything interesting besides musical acting?” he asked. 

 

His eyes slowly rolled in a full circle, like the answer was in the air in front of him and he just barely kept missing it. “Piano? I used to be kind of bad though, motorcycle and everything, a real troubled guy. I don’t know if that helps.” 

 

After scrawling the last of his notes, he put it away, turning on his camera, rising to stand in front of him thoughtfully. He had plenty of selfies that focused on his face, he could probably just ask for those. This, he needed to see for himself, to capture the best angle. 

 

“Now, for this one, just lean back and relax. Try to make it natural.” he instructed. 

 

Zen stretched out once more, his eyes focused on him, though he didn’t alter his expression much, doing his best to look as relaxed as he could. Once he had taken the picture, he stopped to look at it, scrutinizing every detail before he was satisfied with the results. He closed the gap between them, tilting his head in thought, bending down then. 

 

“Forgive my reach. I’d like to try something a little different for this one.” he explained. 

 

Zen stayed quiet, watching with interest. His hands went to his waist, gently prying his shirt from his waistband, letting it fall loose. Tapping his chin in thought, his fingers clasped the fabric, shifting it around a few times before it looked just right. As an afterthought, he disappeared behind him, untying his hair, ruffling it up a bit, draping it over his shoulders. He tilted his phone, taking a step back. Everything looked spot on, and yet it was a shame he still had to imagine the rest of the image himself. Taking the picture anyway, he stared at the result in judgment. There didn’t seem to be a problem with it, even as something still had him trying to piece it together. 

 

“Hey.” he called to him. 

 

“Hm?” he answered distractedly. 

 

“Set it down for a bit and come over here.” he told him. 

 

They really couldn’t get much closer, it should have been fine, and yet, he moved to sit at the opposite end of the couch at his word. 

 

“I’m here, now what?” he muttered suspiciously. 

 

“You owe me two kisses still. I think I want to use one.” he sighed. 

Oh...yeah, that was part of the agreement too, and it was fine still, but why now? More importantly, why was it bothering him this much? Just a quick peck on the lips meant nothing at all, it wasn’t like him to be this concerned about anything. He waved a hand, closing his eyes in preparation. At the very least, he could avoid feeling so strangely if he didn’t see it coming. Zen reached for his waist, drawing him closer, and even without seeing it, he could tell what was happening. The warmth rising by the second meant he was approaching, and the faintly lingering scent of rare, 120 proof wine, not entirely unpleasant. His lips were surprisingly soft, and he expected it to end just after it started, completely caught off guard when he gently pushed him back, his tongue wedging between Noel’s lips, pressed to his. 

 

He might have tried to protest if he wasn’t so damned caught up in it. It was troubling how easily it had wiped his mind free of any meaningful thoughts. His breath vanished, stolen away from the depth of the kiss, finally feeling him pull away so they could breath. Zen’s fingers danced a slow, swirling pattern from his shoulder to his chest, his eyes coming into view, intently fixated on him. Able to think a bit clearer now, Noel gently pushed his hand away, shaking his head vigorously. 

 

“We can’t. You’re drunk and I’m…” he cut himself off, unsure where he was trying to go with it. 

 

Did that sound too much like he would have been alright with it if he wasn’t? Hell, the idea of being with another man didn’t bother him in the least, and it wasn’t like he didn’t understand casual sex, it had played an occasional role in some of his own works, so he wasn’t quite aware of what the hangup was.

 

“I’m not going to change my mind. Drunk or not, I want this. Will you let me?” he asked. 

 

“Absolutely not. No way in hell. A thousand times no.” he quickly denied. 

 

Noel felt the zipper at the back of the dress drawing down, slipping down his shoulders, his mouth falling on his neck. 

 

“That was quite a dismissal.” he murmured between kisses. “I wonder if you really don’t want to, or if you’re only saying that because you’re concerned about something…” 

 

Noel’s eyes fluttered shut once more, barely able to avoid huffing out a swallowed breath. He clearly wasn’t able to understand his complaints still, his only chance was to say it once more.

 

“Zen, don’t...I’m a guy, I’ve said it before, a few times.” he sighed. 

 

He gasped involuntarily, his teeth scraping the side of his neck. He didn’t slow or stop, and he wondered if it was because he didn’t hear him properly, or didn’t believe him still. Fine. If that was how it had to go, he’d learn the truth the hard way. So long as he told him, his conscience was clean enough. He delved lower, nipping at his collarbone, his head tipping back, suddenly too heavy to hold up. Zen’s hand disappeared under the far too fluffy skirt, tickling along his thighs. Any moment now, he’d figure it out, and recoil, which was as it should be. 

 

“You’re not going to resist?” he asked curiously, as if wondering why he wasn’t trying to push him away anymore. 

 

“Do what you like. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you well enough.” he mumbled. 

 

His hand stopped, pulling him to sit up, raising the dress off him, moving to cover up when he draped it over the couch. He had no shame for his body, no matter how it looked, but that never changed the brief instant of shyness that sprang up at being seen like this. Zen tipped his head in thought, reaching to pull his arms away, examining him for a time. Noel cringed again, feeling his eyes burning through him, down the center, stopping between his thighs. He said nothing at first, hooking a finger in his underwear, drawing them away, peeking in. He peeled them off, dropped to the floor.  This was his most disgraceful moment, and he wasn’t sure how to react, this was something he had never had to deal with before, and the silence was unnerving. 

 

“I see what you mean.” he said. 

 

He leaned back in, leaving a trail of red marks down his neck, across his shoulder. 

 

“Wait, did you still think I was really…?” he wondered. 

 

“I’m a little surprised, but I don’t think you’d lie.” he answered, drawing him to lie down comfortably. 

 

“And...you’re still going to do this?” he asked skeptically. 

 

“I’ve never tried. I guess I never thought a man would be my first, but this could still work. If you’re not so nervous about it anymore.” he told him. 

 

Zen nipped at his ear, his breath warm against it, realizing he was reacting to it without meaning to. The responsible thing would have been to insist he wait if he was serious, and yet, he was past the point of resisting, and honestly, it was only out of moral obligation to make sure he would have no regrets about it. Pulling back, his arms crossed his sides, raising his shirt up and off, tossing it to the floor. His pants followed, and Zen returned, slipping an arm around his waist, his other hand coming up, drawing the shape of his lips with his finger, pressing it into his mouth. Even now he had a kind expression on his face, sighing quietly at the gentle pull of his lips and tongue over it, bringing it out after a bit. 

 

“Do you...uh...you know what you’re doing, right?” Noel asked quietly. 

 

Breathing out slowly, he hesitated, spreading his legs just a bit, wordlessly hinting to him. His hand stopped, close enough to brush against him, his face flushed. 

 

“I’ve never done this, that doesn’t mean I don’t at least know what to do, leave it all to me.” he sighed. 

 

Without warning, his saliva-coated finger pressed in, and Noel bit his lip, trying not to make graceless sounds so easily. A second digit followed not long after, shivering visibly though he was still trying to be quiet about it, his hips rocking unconsciously. An almost proud grin spread across his face, watching his reactions with interest. 

 

“It is okay to like this, you know…” he chuckled. 

 

Sure it was fine, but it was habit to try and be as quiet as possible, though it was impossible to think about the reasons why, not like this. In his mind, he was able to whimper and pant as much as he needed, at least. Swallowing hard, he reached to stop him, his face bright red, staring up at him. 

 

“I...don’t want to wait anymore.” he muttered, an edge of irritation, directed inwardly. 

 

“Then you don’t have to…” Zen told him. 

He pulled his hand away, Noel’s legs drawing apart when he moved closer, stopping long enough to take off his last garment, unsure what to expect. Struggling against him, he groaned, planting a firm kiss on his lips, his tongue sweeping over his, swallowing away his shuddering cry. If he had known they’d be going this far, he might have been better prepared, but it couldn’t be helped. God it was a bit harder than he thought, warm and very nearly too tight, but not quite. Was this the kind of thing Noel wrote about? As much as he claimed it was garbage, and that those who bothered to read it were fools, he had to admit to a degree of curiosity. Noel seemed far more shy than he let on, his prickly attitude couldn’t have been all there was to him. It was good, every time he moved, or tried to breath in, he could feel it, pulling back slowly, trying not to hurt him with his eagerness. 

 

Zen leaned against him, rocking slowly back and forth, his legs slowly wrapping his waist, hands clutching his arms. Funny, in his mind the stubborn author definitely wasn’t this way, face red, squirming under him, whimpering into his kisses. He had to wonder if this was, in at least that way, a first for him too. It was getting easier to move inside him now, picking up the pace, breaking away from his mouth finally, catching his breath before moving to the markless side of his neck, nibbling lightly. His touch wandered from his chest, down between them, barely brushing against his length. 

 

“Ah, no...you don’t h...have to…” he panted out softly. 

 

Biting his earlobe, he exhaled slowly, the tip of his tongue dipping in slightly. “Maybe I want to. What then?” 

 

This had never really crossed his mind, but now that it was already happening, he wanted to make sure he enjoyed it as much as possible. Trying again, his hand curled loosely around him, gentle at first. Zen knew how  _ he  _ liked it, but that didn’t mean Noel liked it the same way. Trying to match his pace, Noel swayed under him, his hips rolling, a moan escaping, his hand clasping over his mouth in surprise. His thighs shivered, goosebumps raising along his whole body, unwilling to admit how much he was enjoying it, even as his body betrayed him so mercilessly. There was a feathery, yet hot trail of kisses back along his neck, pausing at his throat, nipping and sucking at the hollow. His brain felt like it was going numb, tingling, his entire body tingling, his stomach tensing, all thrusting against him harder now, unable to hold back. His hand slid against him faster, twitching and pulsing in a way that served to warn him that he was almost there. That was something he could understand, he knew the signs well enough, and at least in that way, Noel was an open book, he didn’t need to say a word for him to know these things. His body swayed faster, writhing under him, his head tipped back, his throat vibrating with louder, eager moans. He bucked up, his thighs trembling, thick spurts rushing over his hand, rolling beads slowly trickling down. 

 

A spark shot through his stomach, his muscles fluttering, speeding up, shallow but quick jabs slowing shortly after, a relieved, growling groan warming his throat when he came, his chest heaving. It occurred to him only after it was too late that he hadn’t considered if he might prefer him to pull out. He winced, pulling free, huffing out a sigh, resting against him for a bit, until he regained enough energy to sit up. Thankfully, Noel broke the silence first, sparing him the trouble of trying to decide what to say. 

 

“I’m pretty sure I don’t owe you any more kisses.” he joked, laughing quietly. 

 

Zen frowned, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “Those didn’t count, that’s hardly fair.” 

 

“Isn’t it?” he wondered. 

 

Changing the subject, he pointed to the window, the bright light from earlier gone. It was dark out, probably not very late, but dark. 

 

“It’s getting late. Why don’t you stay over. My bed is big enough for both of us.” he offered. 

 

Noel lofted a brow, exhaling slowly. “I should get back, probably.” 

 

Zen planted a light kiss by his ear, poking his cheek. “I’ve already made love to you, what else can I do that could possibly compare to that?” 

 

Noel looked away, twisting a lock of hair between his fingers in thought. He disliked that term, it never seemed like more than fantasy, and even for him there was a distinct difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’, and one felt like it required a bit more commitment, in itself something that seemed designed to wordlessly say ‘my body is only yours’. At the same time, the point he made was a good one, he had already had him, there wasn’t much else he could do. It  _ was _ probably a better idea to stay over and leave in the morning, besides, the taxis had likely already stopped for the night.

 

“I guess that’s true. Well then, thank you for your hospitality.” he murmured politely. 

 

He had already tried to explain that he wasn’t capable of settling down in any meaningful way, and there was a small bit of suspicion that he hadn’t really accepted that. Hopefully, he wouldn’t say anything strange about it now. Noel couldn’t afford to fall in love, not yet, maybe not ever. 


	4. The Cherry Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung turns out to be more of a pain in the ass than Noel was ready for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild spice, there's kissing, but nothing serious.

Noel rested his head on the rattling window of the cab, checking his phone. He hadn’t been at the apartment long, enough to get some tea and a light lunch before he had his next mission. He had managed to snag away Yoosung from LOLOL long enough to meet up somewhere. The main complaint aside from his chronic gaming was his style, and for that reason, he wanted to meet at a store, to see if a change in his attire made any difference at all. It was hard to concentrate much this morning, as he had suspected, sharing a bed with the actor was a terrible idea, one he was paying for in spades. Thinking that, he gingerly shifted to his side, his pride too strong to let it show so openly. He absolutely  _ refused _ to give any other hint that he was even a little sore. Aggressive was correct, considerate, probably not so much. He hadn’t openly said it, but he was rethinking everything, he said he had no experience with men, but he had spent enough time around people to know a virgin when he was around one. Most might assume it had simply been a while, but that was his personal case, not that mans. Whatever, a little charity never hurt anybody. Except him, doing good for others obviously only hurt him. First, with the RFA and being stuck in the apartment, and then...ugh. 

 

The cab rolled to a stop, and Noel glanced at the meter, handing him what he owed, gingerly stepping out. Shielding his eyes to the sun, he looked around, checking his watch, left with no more time to wonder how much longer it would be. 

 

“Noel! Hey!” the cheerful voice called, panting to catch his breath. 

 

“Yoosung, hello.” he replied calmly. “Wait, did you run here?” 

 

“Yeah… it’s not all that far from where I live, but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t late…” he huffed. 

 

“Still, I would have waited, you didn’t have to run. Let’s sit for a bit until you catch your breath.” he sighed. 

 

He gave a nod, following him to a bench outside the shop. Noel personally didn’t care much for relationships to begin with, and the only women he really knew were more trouble than they were worth, with very few exceptions. This boy though, well, no, even if he didn’t look it, he was a man after all, only about two years younger than Noel was. He had referenced several times that he had never had a girlfriend, and he could tell he was fairly lonely with the passing of his cousin. Something about that had struck a chord with him, he actually cared enough to try and help out however he could. It wasn’t entirely without selfish motivation though, it might make him a more enticing subject that way. 

 

“You said you wanted to watch over me for a day or two?” he asked finally. 

 

“Yes. My editor is breathing down my neck about getting started on my next work. I thought to study you for a bit and see if I get any decent ideas from it. However...lacking experience as you are, I feel personally responsible for doing what I can to change that for you.” he explained. Looking him over in silence, he shook his head, continuing. “Though I honestly believe you’ll only be miserable with a girlfriend.” 

 

“You don’t like women, do you?” he sighed. 

 

Yoosung was unexpectedly perceptive. He always took him to be a little bit oblivious, but it seemed he was mistaken. 

 

“Not particularly. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I dislike them, but I can’t say that I’ve met many who were decent. In fact, there’s one who continues to make my life a living hell.” he admitted. “Anyway, are you ready to go in? This is about you, not me.” 

“Y...yes, I think so.” he said. 

 

Noel held out his arm silently, directing him with his eyes to take it. He hesitated, but looped his arm through it. 

 

“You’re nervous. Don’t be. This will help, follow my lead, and you should be alright.” he murmured. 

 

He relaxed a bit, until they entered the store, taken aback by how nice it was. He had no idea what to do, looking from shelf to shelf. Noel let go, leaving his side to scoop up an armful of different clothes, thrusting them at a very confused Yoosung, pointing to the dressing rooms in the back. When he left, he stopped, gathering up a few for himself, paying for them without trying them on. At the end of the day, he had nothing appropriate for a business setting at the apartment, and if it came to meeting Jumin or Jaehee at the office, it wouldn’t be proper to show up underdressed. Noel took a seat outside of the dressing room, waiting patiently for him to come out. He eventually came out, fidgeting with the sleeves of the dressy shirt. Shaking his head, he stood up, approaching him, guiding him back into the dressing room. 

 

“Hold still, this isn’t right.” he told him. “Actually...would you mind if I took a picture really quick?” 

 

Yoosung blushed, staring at his hands, giving a nervous nod. Noel slipped the top buttons free, tugging at his collar, raising a finger to signal him to stay still. He removed the pins in his hair, ruffling it up a little. He grabbed his phone, taking a step back, looking at the results after the picture was taken. It wasn’t bad, but it needed something more. He had a decent idea of what to do with a character based on him, but he needed more.

 

“I’m about to do something I would never do. Nothing personal.” he warned him. 

 

“Wh--” he began. 

 

Noel ducked down, planting a light kiss on his lips, pulling back just as quickly. It worked well enough, his face erupting in an embarrassed blush that rose to his ears. He swept his thumb across his lips, raising his phone once more. 

 

“If you could close your eyes and tip your head back. Hold on to the wall. Good, good, just like that.” he directed. 

 

Before he moved, he snapped the shot, looking it over in silence. That was perfect, exactly as it looked in his mind. Unexpectedly, he was very photogenic, and in his experience, ‘cute’ guys went over well. Pocketing his phone, he returned to him once more, his eyes wide as he stared up at him. Smirking a little, he fixed his buttons, folding his collar over properly, handing him back his pins. 

 

“Don’t look so surprised. I’m not about to eat you, you know. I don’t take advantage of people, I was simply concerned you couldn’t mimic the expression I was after without help.” he said calmly. 

 

Noel believed he would be nervous around him for a time, though again, he surprised him, boldly asking the very last thing he thought he would. 

 

“Teach me, I want to be better.” he requested. 

 

“Teach you what? I was just fixing your shirt. These clothes are pretty straightforward.” he said dismissively, trying to dodge it. 

 

“That’s not what I meant! Teach me how to do things like that. I think if I knew how, maybe I’d be more popular…” he repeated. 

 

“Kid...err… Yoosung…” he corrected. “I’m the last person you should be asking. Don’t try to model yourself after me, you’ll corrupt yourself. I’m an awful person deep down, and no one likes a jerk.” 

 

He turned to go back to his seat, but the blonde gripped his sleeve, stopping him. “Wait. You’re not like that, you’re trying to help me out too, that proves you’re a good person. I think maybe you’re too hard on yourself!” 

 

He turned around once more, backing him against the wall, glaring down at him. “Don’t talk about things you know nothing about. I took advantage of the situation, that’s all. You shouldn’t open yourself up unnecessarily. You’re incredibly naive if you believe that someone like me wouldn’t quickly take all you have and destroy it. I’m not a nice man at all.” 

 

Noel expected that would be the end of it, satisfied with the result. Surely he’d drop it now, and he wouldn’t have to concern himself with such a needy person beyond observing him. He didn’t let up on his sleeve, staring at him defiantly, unwilling to drop it after all. 

 

“Christ...for a university student, this is a disappointment. I figured you were smarter than this.” he said coldly, trying to pry his hand off. 

 

“What would it hurt? Would it cause you pain to show me what to do?” he said, his voice breaking. 

 

God, this was like a plot straight out of a terrible BL manga. Not that he had read any of those, at least not with any interest besides trying to see what was popular at the time. He was persistent, he could give him that much. All things considered, maybe it would be enough of a shock to chase him away from getting too close. He slipped his knee between his legs, pinning him in place, grabbing his chin firmly. 

 

“Lesson one…” he mumbled. 

 

Drawing his head up, he bent in just enough to close the distance, sealing his lips firmly. There was a small difference in their height, and technically, Yoosung was taller, but his positioning was just right to make Noel look a bit taller, something he found quite nice, at least in this moment. His lips parted slightly, and he slipped his tongue in, twisting against his slowly at first, then a bit faster, seeming masterful in comparison. That should be plenty. He pulled away, tipping his head as if waiting for a reaction, convinced it would be a negative one. When he didn’t answer for a time, he wondered if he really startled him that badly. 

 

“Well?” he asked. 

 

He licked his lips slowly, fixing his pins back into place, bowing his head kindly. “Thank you. I hope you’ll continue to teach me. I think I can really learn a lot from you.” 

 

His grin faltered, genuinely flustered. Why wasn’t it working like it was supposed to? He should have been more resistant to him now, should have changed his mind immediately. What the hell would it take to shake him off? 

 

“I see. Well, I’m not sure what else you want.” he said, injecting his words with pure ice. 

 

“I want to be good enough to be able to try it on you. If I can do that, I shouldn’t have problem with it anymore, right?” he wondered. 

 

Noel shrugged, sweeping a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly. “It really depends on you personally. Kissing doesn’t have as much to do with it as you think. Although I hear that girls do enjoy kissing after all. I don’t particularly care one way or the other. “

 

“What made you so cold though?” he wondered quietly. 

 

He probably didn’t mean to say it out loud, but even so, he couldn’t help but be reminded of it. His lip curled in disgust. He really didn’t want to think about that woman any more than necessary. 

 

“Let’s just say there’s a despicable person I can’t get away from that ruined me. I don’t want to talk about her.” he spat. 

 

Changing the focus, he gestured to the stack of clothes. “Bring those to the register, I’ll get that squared away. So don’t wear just that hoodie anymore. It might be cute, but if you want a girlfriend that badly, appearance matters more than it should.” 

 

Noel stalked out of the dressing room, waiting for him to come out, his arms full of clothes, carefully walking to the first open counter. Setting them down, he sighed, sweeping his arm against his brow like he had overworked himself. Noel produced a wallet, fishing out a card, passing it over. He didn’t use it often, but it was easier than carrying a lot of cash all the time, and he considered this a research expense anyway. He reached for the bags, slinging them on his arms, his glance wandering to his hand when Yoosung snatched it up. Saying nothing, he gave him a curious look, following him out. 

 

“Your arms are full, isn’t this right?” he asked quietly. 

 

“Sure. Assuming you wouldn’t make your girl carry everything like this. It’s acceptable to hold hands if it doesn’t appear to be a burden.” he explained. 

 

“Okay, I’ll remember that. A-anyway, my house is close enough to walk, it won’t be a problem if you want to stay over. I live alone, and if you’re worried, I know how to cook, so it’s alright!” he said. 

 

“Whatever. Even if you couldn’t, it wouldn’t be hard to go out.” he replied. 

 

Cooking was a pain, and not something he was particularly good at. He had been forced to be good at everything he had to learn, and cooking was the one thing he never improved on. His terrible meals were at least good enough to make Min smile, and that was all he cared about. If nothing else, he wanted this party to happen soon so he could go home and make sure he was taken care of. Nari never gave him a reason to doubt she was doing her best, but the idea of leaving him alone with a woman like that made him nauseous. 

 

“What are you thinking about?” Yoosung asked. 

 

“Do I look like I have something on my mind?” he countered. 

 

“Yeah! You have this serious look on your face.” he told him. 

 

“I was thinking you have a lot to learn. You’re so far behind, I’m not sure even I can put a dent in it.” he lied. 

 

Yoosung frowned slightly. “Is it really so bad?” he sighed heavily, biting his lip. “I guess so. You seem really good at kissing, so someone like me must seem terrible in comparison…” 

 

“Of course I’m good. I’ve had a decent amount of practice. You have potential, if you work on it a little more. Don’t look at me that way.” he scolded. 

 

He looked like he was moments away from crying, and he couldn’t stand that. Crying made him very uncomfortable, and the idea of having to see it like this made his stomach twist up. As much as he disliked doing things to give the wrong impression, he had to cut it off before it began. 

 

“Look...uh...if it will make any difference, I’ll try to be a better teacher. Just don’t expect too much of me, as I said, if you’re too open, I’ll be tempted to ruin you.” he said.  “Pretty things look better when they’re damaged, at least in my eyes.” 

 

That wasn’t particularly true, only that it was an effective method of making sure people didn’t get any closer than he wanted them to. There was only room for one person in his world, and that one person was the very reason he had given up everything and resorted to peddling terrible books. He wasn’t about to tell anyone that, even the reporters he had to speak to frequently knew nothing of that aspect of his personal life, and when they questioned his love life, he always insisted he didn’t have one, not a lie. There was no room for romantic love, and the only love he allowed was the last shred of innocence left to him. 

 

“Thank you! I thought for sure you wouldn’t want to help anymore…” he sighed with relief. 

 

“Oh...yeah, it’s fine. Whatever you want.” he replied, lost in thought. 

 

Well, if he was going to stay with him for a bit, he’d have to make time to call him again. That suspicious feeling wracking his nerves told him something wasn’t as it should be, and perhaps it was only that he was always the first thing on his mind, he had a hunch it was related to him. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think Noel could really like him if it weren't for a certain someone. Coming up, Yoosung learns something else. Also, look forward to more in the way of Min.


	5. First Blossoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slight mature content~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be NSFW. Enjoy, or not. Either way.

Noel spent the better part of the evening staring hopelessly at his phone. He had left countless messages with no answer. Where the hell could she have gone that she wasn’t available to pick up the phone? 

 

“Noel, dinner is ready!” Yoosung called to him. 

 

“I’m not hungry.” he countered irritably. 

 

“Come on...you need to eat or you could get sick...please?” he pressed. 

 

“I said I’m not hungry, eat by yourself.” he hissed. 

 

“I won’t. I’m not going to either unless you eat with me.” he pouted. 

 

Noel swept his hand through his hair, shooting him an accusing look. “You’re acting like you’re my wife or something.” 

 

Shit, there was that look again. Swearing under his breath, he pushed himself to stand, hanging his head as he walked to the kitchen. “Fine, whatever. I’ll eat with you, just don’t make that face.” 

 

His sadness vanished so quickly it made him wonder if it was an act. If it was, this brat was dangerous after all. He was confident in his ability to not let people manipulate him into doing anything he didn’t want to, at least it had been that way since he left his father’s care. He sat at the table, staring down at the food placed in front of him. He didn’t want to admit that it smelled really good, it looked edible anyway. 

 

“You’ve been ignoring me since earlier, I thought you were going to teach me more…” he said quietly. 

 

“I meant to, but I’m trying to get ahold of someone important. When I do that, you’ll have my full attention. Don’t even think about ignoring me for your game when you have it.” he said. 

 

He smiled kindly, and it actually startled him. He was too pleasant for his own good. Most people weren’t quite as good natured about being spoken to like he had done. 

 

“I won’t. I’m happy you’re here.” he said softly. “How is it?” 

 

Noel had been eating it almost mechanically, without offering it much thought, but now that he mentioned it, he took notice for the first time. “It’s really good, actually.” 

 

“Ahh, I’m so glad. You weren’t saying anything, so I thought you hated it…” he admitted. 

 

Noel chuckled, leaning back in his seat. “Well, if I hated it, I wouldn’t be eating it and I would have told you. I don’t hold back like that.” he lowered his voice too much to make out his next words. “Nari would agree.” 

 

His phone rang, checking the screen before he stood up and walked outside to answer it. He grabbed a cigarette, lighting it quickly when he answered it, inhaling with his words.

 

“There you are. Where the hell did you go? Don’t tell me you left Min all by himself.” he spat. 

 

“I’m sorry. I had something to take care of…” she mumbled. 

 

“Don’t you dare give me excuses. You were off with someone else, weren’t you? You disgust me. What would father say if I told him what you were up to?” he said, a thinly veiled threat. 

 

“Noel, please don’t do that, I’m sorry!” she quickly apologized. 

 

“Of course I wouldn’t. You’re too convenient for me. You make my job so much easier, I enjoy knowing you can’t do anything.” he laughed. 

 

“You’re so cold. You enjoy hurting me like this, don’t you?” she shouted, loud enough for him to pull the phone away. 

 

“Ugh. Don’t shout so loudly. If you upset Min, I won’t hold back any longer, and I don’t think you want that. Not after last time.” he sighed with disinterest. 

 

“On that note...Min caught a bug. He’ll be fine, he just needs rest.” she murmured, a tinge of nervousness in her words. 

 

Noel put out his cigarette, immediately replacing it with another, too stressed to care at that moment. “For your sake, that better be all it is. I hope you know I blame you for this, if you did your fucking job instead of going out with strange men all the time, this wouldn’t happen. Are you even taking care of him at all?” 

 

“Of course I am! What about you? You disappear without a word and when you’re here, you shut yourself in a room for days? You’re a joke.” she said with a sarcastic laugh. 

 

“Don’t you dare go there. I do that  _ for  _ him, and I  _ always _ make time for him. If he misses me, I invite him in my study, he is my priority.” he said. “If you go there again, I will make sure you can’t ever insult me in such a way again.” 

 

He felt eyes on him, looking over his shoulder. Yoosung had peeked out at some point, and he looked a bit sad again. It was amazing he wasn’t trying to stay away from him if he happened to hear anything substantial. Stepping on his cigarette, he stretched, trying to ignore his presence. 

 

“I’ve got to go, I don’t have time to argue with you any longer.” he said, hanging up before she could reply. 

 

To avoid the questions that would inevitably follow, he reached for his hand, leading him back in. Out of view from the door, he pulled him close, kissing him again, dropping his hand to his waist, nipping at his lower lip. His eyes closed slowly, letting a moan slip, enough to make Noel recoil from him, looking away. 

 

“Was that what you were waiting for?” he muttered quietly. 

 

“I… I was just checking on you. It sounded like you were upset…” he answered. 

 

“Even after hearing, you still think I wouldn’t hurt you? You’re too trusting, the world isn’t a good place and I’ll tell you again, but I’m not a nice person. If you stick to me like this, I won’t hold back, if only to teach you that not everyone  _ should _ be trusted.” he huffed. 

 

Yoosung clenched his hands tightly, shaking his head. “I’m not a little kid! You’re treating me like I don’t know anything!” 

 

There it was, the right kind of reaction at last. He should be angry, it should bother him. He might finally open his eyes and see with clarity. He stepped closer to him, his hands flying to his face in a way that actually made him wonder if he was going to strike him, not that he didn’t deserve at least that much. He yanked him closer, kissing him forcefully, tilting his head, his tongue lightly tapping on his mouth, trying to get him to open up. To Noel’s surprise, he actually did, the invasion of his warm, wet tongue not yet familiar, but not entirely unwelcome. He was capable of learning quickly when it came down to it, he wanted to be unimpressed, but he was. Yoosung finally pulled back, taking a deep breath, his cheeks glowing, quite the delayed reaction to something he initiated. 

 

“You taste like tobacco…” he observed. 

 

“Are you surprised by that? If you were paying attention, you know I smoke.” he said, brushing it off.

 

“It’s not good for you…” he lectured quietly. 

 

“Well, that’s true enough. You know what’s worse for my health? Having to deal with people who don’t know their place. At least you listen, sometimes.” he shrugged. 

 

Sensing it was something he shouldn’t talk about any further, he turned his focus to the floor, trying to decide what to talk about that would distract him from his darkening mood. 

 

“What’s next? I’m ready to pay attention!” he insisted cheerfully. 

 

“Don’t look at me like that. Asking such a thing, are you trying to give me the wrong idea?” he complained. “You lack discipline. It makes me want to punish you, acting like this.” 

 

He jumped at his words, hiding his face briefly. Noel grinned at his reaction, trying to push him away again. “Now I see. You like that sort of thing, don’t you? What a child.” 

 

“I...I’m not a kid, I told you that! It’s just...nevermind.” he trailed off. 

 

Noel held up a hand, examining it idly, shrugging like he wasn’t interested in excuses. “You sure look like one.” Nodding just below his waist, he laughed again. “Looks like it doesn’t take much to get you excited, does it?” 

 

“That’s so mean… It’s your fault! Talking to me like that, what kind of person calls themself an adult and doesn’t take responsibility for what they say?” he mumbled. 

 

The corners of his lips twitched, laughing wryly. He gripped his wrist, yanking him closer, staring directly into his eyes. “Because I’m an adult, I should take responsibility? Is that what you want? You want me to fix it?” 

 

He was hoping he would pull away and refuse, taking it too much like an invitation for his own comfort, and that kind of attitude did nothing to deter him. Provoking someone like him to act in such a way was a terrible idea, but it was almost like willfully snipping away his leash, and it was held in place at that moment by only fraying strings. 

 

“You’re not taking me seriously. No one takes me seriously, I can’t just let you think I’m some little kid who doesn’t understand. I’m an adult, no different from you, treat me like it!” he challenged. 

 

In his mind, he could picture those last threads snapping away. Noel pushed him to the floor, pinning him at the wrists, leaned over him. Smirking almost wickedly, he admired him for a moment, thinking it over carefully. 

 

“Is this what you were hoping would happen? Are you afraid? I warned you, if you were too open I’d be tempted to ruin you. I bet you’d look really good too…” he purred. 

 

Yoosung squirmed under him, but it didn’t have the feel of someone trying to escape. He said nothing, watching him quietly, any sane person would have tried to pull away, have shouted or at least complained, but he did none of those things, and it only served to confuse him. Was it because he just couldn’t, or he didn’t want to? Sighing to himself, he let go, sitting up, reconsidering after all. 

 

“Why stop there?” Yoosung asked quietly. 

 

“I’ve lost interest. I’m bored.” he lied. 

 

His fingers fidgeted with the buttons on his shirt, pulling it off when he finished. Undoing his belt, he struggled to pull it from the loops, letting it fall. Noel raised an eyebrow, looking away from him, taking a deep breath. He didn’t want to think about this a moment longer, and now, it had the feel that he had only ingrained the idea in his mind further. Trying to put some distance between them, he moved across the room, taking a seat in a chair facing away from him. This was a terrible idea from the start, and he had no reasonable clue as to why he gave in anyway. The plan was to help him get a girlfriend, not to convince him to lose his virginity, and definitely not to him. Closing his eyes, he let his head fall back, putting it from his thoughts, startled when he felt a sudden weight on his lap. Barely opening an eye to it, he groaned in frustration, the blonde right in his face, watching him. He struck him as an overeager puppy, wagging his tail and begging for attention. 

 

“You don’t want this. Be a good boy and go lay down or something.” he said dismissively. 

 

“I won’t. I’m staying right here. You told me when you got ahold of that important person, you’d give me your full attention. I waited like you said, and now you’re trying to ignore me still…” he said. 

 

“So now I have to do something like this with a brat like you? Is this my fate?” he asked. 

 

His hands fell to his hips, his thumbs caressing along the ridges, huffing out a heavy sigh. His skin prickled in goosebumps, squirming at the slight touch. Perhaps he was especially sensitive, considering he was almost as old as he was and had no experience. 

 

“That tickles…” he murmured. 

 

“If you’re not going to let this go, then you’d better be prepared. You said you wanted to learn, so you’ll learn hands-on. You’ll be doing the work. I don’t want to hear you cry about it either, it’s not all fun, it’ll hurt too.” he grumbled. 

 

Of course, his complaints about that were tinged with a hint of experience on that matter. At least this time he wouldn’t have to be the one having to worry about it in the morning. Still, he didn’t want to cause unnecessary problems. He didn’t expect him to have anything proper, but considering he liked to cook, he grimaced, at that moment, regretting his creativity. 

 

“Do you have any cooking oil or anything?” he asked. 

 

“I have olive oil, why?” he questioned. 

 

Furrowing his brow, he kneading his forehead as if he had a sudden headache, sighing deeply. “Go get it. It’s for your benefit. Do it before I can’t bring myself to care.” 

 

Yoosung slid off his lap, rushing to the kitchen and back, holding it out to him. He stood up, taking his time with his clothes, in an effort to keep them as nice as possible. If nothing else, he had fresh, clean clothes from the shop, but that was no reason to be sloppy about the ones he was already wearing. 

 

“Seriously though, what is this for?” he asked again. 

 

“You’ll see soon enough. If you have any manners at all, you might even thank me for it.” he answered. 


	6. Fallen Petals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the NSFW chapter for Yoosung.

Noel sat back down when he finished undressing, his clothes neatly folded and set aside carefully, unlike the rumpled heap Yoosung had left on the floor. He took the bottle of oil from him, tucking it in between the cushion and the armrest, beckoning him back to him. Yoosung sat on his lap again, his cheeks rosy with shyness, at least that was what he assumed it was. His fingers ran thoughtfully against his neck, looking at the marks left there. 

 

“Do they hurt? Where did they come from?” he asked curiously. 

 

Instead of answering his question, he countered with his own. “You’re curious about them...shall I leave some on you?” 

 

He didn’t answer right away, tipping his head to the side in offering. Just as well, it wasn’t as though he had intended to tell him where they came from, he wasn’t the type to share his sex life with others needlessly. His arms snagged around his waist, drawing him closer, blowing softly along the curve of his neck, brushing his lips across the skin before biting firmly, pleased with his gasp, sucking the imprint firmly. Yoosung clenched his shoulders, whimpering softly, licking his lips nervously. Breaking away, he admired his work, a bright red-purple mark on him, exactly as lovely as he thought it might look. 

 

“That was kind of nice…”he admitted quietly. 

 

“If I had any sense, I’d leave them all over you. I’m sure your classmates would be impressed with you.” he teased. 

 

“You’re supposed to teach me…” he pouted. 

 

He pried his hands off him, leaning back. “Lesson two then. You can’t just cling to me, figure it out, touch me, use your hands, your mouth, get creative.” 

 

His eyes wandered all across his body, trying to decide what he should do. He looked completely lost, which wasn’t much of a surprise, finally settling on what to do. He brought a hand down, hesitantly touching him, his hold gentle and slow, like he was worried about hurting him. 

 

“This is okay, right?” he asked. 

 

“I’m not made of glass. Is this how you do it?” he said with a light chuckle. “You really do have a lot to learn after all. I’d take over if this wasn’t amusing.” 

 

He puffed his cheeks at his remark, tightening his grip. “Well, at least give me a hint.” 

 

“Didn’t I already? You have two hands and a mouth, don’t you? Why are you using only a third of what you can do?” he sighed. 

 

His eyes flew back down, swallowing nervously. Seeing his expression, he frowned. “I wasn’t suggesting what I can tell you’re thinking. That won’t be helpful to what you’re trying to learn anyway.” 

 

He tapped his neck, drawing his own finger across his chest. He should have let him figure it out on his own, he might have actually gotten discouraged and quit, that would save him the trouble. Yoosung leaned in, fluttering soft kisses across his neck and throat, his left hand gliding across his chest. He was figuring it out, but even after his declaration, he was still being too gentle about it. Noel disliked the idea of having to give such direction like this, but it would feel too much like work if he didn’t. 

 

“Harder.” he said. “You have the chance to be in charge of how this goes, don’t be gentle about it.” 

 

Saying nothing, he tried to mimic what he had done, biting a bare spot on his shoulder. Not as hard as it could have been, but at least he was showing improvement. He needed encouragement in the only way he knew how. Letting go of him, he drew his hand back, swatting him firmly, his teeth sinking in harder before he let go, writhing with a yelp. 

 

“There you go...now you’re getting it…” he praised. 

 

His mouth travelled to his chest, nipping and kissing every inch of skin he could find, trying to figure out what would get him to react. Yoosung looked up, leaning closer, nibbling and tugging on his earlobe, his breath warm, puffed out in a steady pace. Noel sighed, shivering visibly, somewhat dismayed that he had discovered one of his weak points so easily. He doubled his efforts, blowing against it softly, feeling him move just a little. Noel thought to wait a little longer, to try and give him a chance to figure it out further, but he was impatient, and he already had plenty of ideas in mind for him. If he moved it along a bit, he might finally get some time to think about something more meaningful. Reaching for the bottle, he awkwardly shifted his hold, making sure to cover his fingers thoroughly. He was already a slacker, he wanted to make sure he did at least this much right, so he couldn’t use pain as a reason to focus on his studies even less than usual. 

 

“Hold still. This’ going to be uncomfortable.” he warned him. 

 

Yoosung nodded, burying his face in his neck again, looping an arm around his neck. He groaned in discomfort when his fingers invaded, squirming side to side in an effort to relieve it. He spread his fingers inside, trying to get him used to the feeling as much as possible. Drawing his attention back to the oil, he gave him a curious look. 

 

“What should I do?” he questioned, his words breathy and delicate. 

 

“Think about it. Something a lot bigger than my fingers will be going in. You must be smart if you’re in university, figure it out.” he told him. 

 

Biting his lip, he kept his head resting on his shoulder, dripping it on his shaft, his fingers dancing over it to make sure it stayed on as much as possible. 

 

“Like this?” he asked again. 

 

“Mhm. Whenever you’re ready.” he mumbled, slipping his fingers free. 

 

He grabbed his hips, waiting until he said he was ready to drag him closer, pulling him into position, helping just enough to put him into place, whispering in his ear. 

 

“Go slowly, if you go too quickly it’ll only hurt worse.” he said as a warning. 

 

Yoosung lowered onto him slowly, his arm clutching the back of his neck tightly, holding his breath in a poor attempt at being quiet about it. When he made it about halfway, he had a change in his mind, too frustrated by it. Holding him tightly, he moved to stand with him, in itself a challenge. Lowering him to the floor, he spread over him, stealing a deep kiss, and with it, his breath. 

 

“Let me show you…” he groaned. 

 

Yoosung wrapped his arms around him tightly, like he was holding on for his life. Such a dramatic reaction, it wasn’t like he was careless enough to drop him. He slipped in completely, waiting for a short time before setting a slow pace, gritting his teeth. It had been a while since he had done this much, and even then he had almost forgotten what it felt like to be squeezed like this. His hands slid over to his shoulders, clenching tightly, his nails digging in, arching against it. Even in his wildest imaginations, he didn’t anticipate him doing that, a simple thing that pleased him more than it should have. Maybe there was hope for him yet. 

 

“Faster, more…” he panted out, his face bright red. 

 

He was definitely exceeding expectations. Who was he to refuse such an earnest request? He ground against him harder, back and forth fast enough for him to move him underneath. Yoosung raised his knees to his side, his gasping cries the only sound aside from the sound of their bodies thumping together. His thighs bore reddening marks, quite a nice color on him. He tried to pull him closer, all but resting directly on him when his hands slipped, kissing him deeply, a moan spilling up, vibrating through his mouth. Noel felt sticky warmth rolling along his stomach, mildly surprised at how quickly he had gotten off, even for someone without experience. He must have been more pent up than he thought. Certainly he should work on his stamina a little, he imagined most girls would be frustrated about such a thing. 

Breaking the kiss, he bit a path down his neck, his head falling back. Noel hated to admit it, but he was nearing his own limits as well, the combination of his hand and the way he clenched around his shaft too much to deal with. He sought out his ear, panting between his heaving breaths, sweeping his tongue over it slowly. 

 

“I can’t hold anymore...hold still…” he growled. 

 

Yoosung held on tightly, squeezing his eyes shut, biting his lower lip hard enough to leave marks on it, jolted out of place when he slammed against him, stilling deeply inside, a strangled groan slipping through gritted teeth, dark spots flooding his vision. Not one to want to be too close for too long, the moment the last of it emptied, he pulled away, wiggling out of his embrace, stretching out on the floor to catch his breath. Yoosung struggled to sit up, wiping the sweat from his brow, wincing as he shifted to his side instead. 

 

“It feels warm.” he observed. “My butt hurts…” 

He whimpered quietly, gently massaging himself in emphasis. Noel shrugged it off, refusing to look his way, careful not to give him any misleading ideas. 

 

“It happens. It’ll go away completely in a day or so.” he told him. “Obviously it’s a little different with women, but at least you have a general idea.” 

 

“You’re...not mad at me, right? You’ll still stay, right?” he asked, frowning. 

 

Noel couldn’t quite tell if he was just naturally lonely or if he was trying to be clingy. Either way, he had already made plans, and he had no intention to deviate from them just yet. At the very least, even though he already had enough ideas, it wouldn’t hurt to think on them overnight. 

 

“Yes. I plan to at least stay the night. Not in the same room though. Also, if it’s not a problem, I’d like to borrow your shower.” he said, taking a deep breath. 

 

“Um...about that, the hot water runs out pretty quickly. I know it’s probably asking too much, but do you mind if I shower with you?” he mumbled nervously. 

 

If that was the case, it couldn’t be helped, otherwise, he had no intentions of repeating that performance. It was nothing personal, only that he didn’t want to give anyone the impression that he was in any way open to something lasting. Zen already had trouble understanding that much, and it wouldn’t be helpful to let Yoosung think that either. Besides, he wasn’t a girl, and that was the entire point of trying to teach him these things.

 

“I suppose that’s fine. If it’s still in your head, no, I’m not mad at you. I have no reason to be.” he said. 

 

Yoosung stood up then, his face flushed an interesting shade of pink. It definitely looked like there was still something on his mind, but he was in no hurry to bring it up. Eventually, he settled on it, wringing his hands. 

 

“Hey, Noel?” he murmured. 

 

“Hm?” he grunted, pushing himself to stand. 

 

“Who is Min?” he asked. 

 

Noel tensed at the unexpected question, gripping his arm like it hurt. He looked completely pissed, and he braced himself, believing he had just made a huge mistake, waiting to be yelled at. 

 

“Min is...he’s very special to me. Not like you might be thinking. He’s not my lover, nothing romantic at all, in fact. Let’s just leave it at that, okay?” he said, his voice breaking as he said it. 

 

“I understand...I’m sorry if it hurt to talk about…” he apologized. 

 

“It’s not talking about him that hurts. It’s everything else. Being in the RFA means I’m away from home, I can’t see him or take care of him right now, and he’s alone with that terrible woman.” he grumbled. 

 

He had no reason to tell him that, or anyone else for that matter. He wasn’t the type to speak so openly about his private life, and he couldn’t comprehend the reason he felt like sharing it with him in the first place.

 

“That woman...she’s the one you said was despicable, the one who ruined you, right?” he questioned. 

 

“Nari is her name, and you’re absolutely right. I wish she didn’t exist, but if she didn’t, Min would be on his own right now…” he said, clenching his hands tightly. “Anyway, just drop it. Let’s just get that shower out of the way.” 

 

“Oh...right...it’s this way…” he mumbled sadly, leading the way. 

 

The form he cut was almost pitiful, every bit a puppy with far too sad eyes. He hated that look, he didn’t want anyone to feel bad for him, there was no reason for it. Pity was a wasted feeling that did nothing for anyone.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: unexpected phone calls and observations at C & R


	7. Problematic Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jumin helps Noel with his father, using it as a way to secure a favor, help with his own father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually surprisingly hard to set up.

Noel left early afternoon, staying long enough to have breakfast with Yoosung, at his insistence. Unusually, he felt a little worn out, but being fair he had been running around a lot lately. It wasn’t over yet, he still had to make his way to the C & R building to meet with Jaehee and Jumin. While he waited for his cab, he straightened his tie, feeling his hair to make sure it was still held in place. When the driver arrived, he got in the back, giving the address, his phone ringing. An out of country number, only one person it could be… Rolling up the partition for a little privacy, he answered the call. 

 

“Father, hello.” he said calmly. 

 

“Noel, how have you been?” he asked. 

 

“Busy as ever, in fact I’m on my way to a meeting as we speak. How about you?” he said, trying to make conversation. 

 

“Busy as well. I called to check in on you, but I must also ask a favor…” he said apprehensively. 

 

There it was, he expected as much. Noel palmed his face, taking a deep breath before deciding to answer. “I thought we weren’t going to go through this anymore. I don’t want to meet anyone else.” 

 

“I expected you’d say that, but I swear, it’s different this time. I took your feelings into consideration as you told me to. This time is different…” he said, almost pleading. 

 

“What’s so different about this woman? Hm? Let me guess, she’s really outgoing, and fun, and everything that you said about every other woman?” he complained. 

 

“No...Noel, it’s...Well, you remember Mr. Kim? The one you met when you came to Paris?” he questioned. 

 

“I distinctly recall he had two of the most annoying daughters. Please tell me you didn’t agree to a meeting with either.” he said flatly. 

 

“No...I was leaning towards his son? Last time you made it very clear you didn’t want to marry any woman I set you up with, and it wasn’t like what you were doing wasn’t all over the papers…” he mumbled, his formal tone disappearing with each second. 

 

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it isn’t necessary. I don’t plan to settle down for a very long time. I’m trying to make sure Min has everything he needs.” he explained, for what felt like the hundredth time. 

 

“Min isn’t your problem, you can send him home, I’ll take care of him…” he murmured. 

 

“I can’t do that. If you want to lighten my burdens, bring that woman over so I don’t have to see her face ever again.” he paused, checking his calendar. V had finally set the date for the party, a week away. “I have use for her for the next week, then, I implore you to get her out of my hair.” 

 

The cab slowed to a stop and Noel paused to open the small window, handing him the money before stepping out, smoothing out his suit with one hand. 

 

“Did I hear a car door?” he asked. 

 

“I did mention I’m on my way to a meeting. I’ve arrived. Please consider what I say.” he repeated. 

 

“Does it really bother you that much, your house is quite large, plenty of room for the three of you and...a fourth, if you decided to settle anyway.” he persisted. 

 

Noel bit his tongue to avoid saying something even more than was acceptable. Noticing the volume of people gathered around the doors, he quickly switched to his father’s tongue. 

 

“Je suis desole, mais je dois y aller…” he murmured, hanging up. 

 

Pocketing his phone, he adopted a quicker pace, pushing through to the lobby to pick up his pass as he was instructed. 

 

“Hello, you must be here for Mr. Han? You’ll find him in his office, I’ll write down the directions for you.” the woman at the desk said, her tone friendly. 

 

He put on his best smile, bowing deeply. “Thank you so much, miss.” 

 

Her cheeks flushed slightly, waving him off cheerfully. Clutching the directions, he found the elevator, pressing the floor button, relaxing a little when the doors slid shut. The building layout was quite nice, everything had a deeply    luxurious feel to it, and he made sure to take in as much detail as possible. It wasn’t as though he had never been in a high class establishment, on the contrary, he had been in many, but this one felt vastly different. The setting, the lively people, all things that would be useful details, assuming he could form a good enough idea based on what he saw. This was a little intimidating, he had a few occasions to chat and text Jumin, and had even spoken with him on the phone a few times, and he seemed pleasant enough, but that didn’t mean he would be that way in person. People at work were often very different, and he wasn’t quite sure what to expect. The elevator halted, the door opening, a woman waiting for him on the other side, a cup of coffee in her hand. He recognized her immediately, bobbing his head in greeting. 

 

“Hello, Jaehee. How are you feeling this afternoon?” he said. 

 

She held out the coffee to him and he took it gratefully. “Busy, as always. Mr. Han asked me to wait here and fetch you. He told me to make you aware that you will be shadowing him today. I apologize, that can’t be pleasant to hear.” 

 

He frowned, noticing the dark circles under her eyes. She looked pale, not nearly as energetic as those in the lobby were. He knew people well enough to guess she wouldn’t willingly accept perceived kindness. Pulling out his wallet, he pulled out a handful of bills, handing them to her. He knew how to make this work. 

 

“I’m so sorry to add to your stress, but I haven’t yet had lunch. I don’t know what’s really good to eat though, do you think you could order something you think is good? As much as that will cover should be fine.” he asked with a kind smile. 

 

Oh, it was true, he didn’t dislike women. He could be quite pleasant when it was deserved, and Jaehee was far from the type of woman he couldn’t stand. She was very devoted to her work, even as it appeared it was taxing her health. Her tone was quiet and gentle, despite the obvious pressure on her. It was refreshing. She bowed slightly, turning to go after a moment. 

 

“I’ll take care of it, please wait with Mr. Han, I’ll bring it in when it arrives.” she said. 

 

“I think it might be too much for just two. Would you be interested in joining us?” he offered. 

 

“Ahh...I would, but only if it’s alright with Mr. Han. I don’t want to be in the way, and he isn’t particularly fond of me hanging around unnecessarily.” she sighed. 

 

“If it’s not okay, I’ll leave some for you. You should eat as well, you need your energy.” he said, allowing her to leave. 

 

Following the directions, he walked to the end of the hall, staring at the door in front of him. Reaching out, he knocked a few times, hearing a voice just inside. Smoothing his suit once more, he opened the door, lowering his head briefly before walking in. Jumin didn’t even look up, focused intently on a sheet of paper in his hand. 

 

“Noel. Welcome. Take a seat, I’m just looking over some reports.” he instructed. 

 

He took a seat, as he was told, staying quiet so he could concentrate on his work. This was helpful too. Grabbing his notepad, he scrawled a few brief notes, sparse words about the building itself, and about reports. In the margins, he wrote about his suit, and the way he wore his hair. Every detail he could manage was important. Business-oriented people were rarely sloppy, and that included his father, but admittedly, that was different. His office was far more relaxed in atmosphere, and there, the wildest-looking people could be seen and it was treated as all terribly normal. 

 

“Have you already figured out enough about me to warrant writing anything?” he said, the sound of his pen accentuating his words. He paused though, tossing it in the garbage, fetching a new one. “I dislike imperfect things. A pen like that with even a minimal defect displeases me.” 

 

The last bit had the feel of him speaking more to himself, giving voice to his own thoughts as opposed to telling him about it. Even so, it made Noel laugh a little, and Jumin glanced back, looking at him strangely. 

 

“Something you find amusing?” he asked. 

 

Noel nodded once. “You don’t like imperfect things. I can only imagine what you must think of me then.” 

 

He laughed again, shaking his head, scribbling a few more notes. Jumin set the new pen down, crossing his leg over his lap, turning to face him properly, his arms crossed. He looked like he was considering something important, silent long enough for it to become uncomfortable before he finally spoke. 

 

“You think because you’re imperfect I hate you? Hm. I don’t believe emotions are sensible, but if I had to say, I actually have enjoyed getting to know you a little through the messenger. I’m not the curious type, but I have to say I am wondering why you would think that.” he stated. 

 

Noel actually had to think of the right way to say it, distracted once more by the ringing of his phone. He meant to shut it off until he saw the number, heaving a heavy sigh. 

 

“I apologize. I should have turned my phone off, but it seems this is important.” he said reluctantly. 

 

Jumin turned away again, waving his hand to let him know it was fine to answer it. Trying to stay quiet so he wouldn’t be a distraction, he answered, his voice low. 

“What is it this time?” he asked. 

 

“I thought perhaps you were out of your meeting by now. I didn’t want to leave things as they were. We need to talk this through a little better.” he said. 

 

“How much clearer can I make myself? I’m not interested in getting married, and I have no intent to turn Min over to you. What else is there to say?” he questioned, exasperated already. 

 

“Fine. Then come back together, we can talk about it in person. Maybe if you’d at least meet him, you might change your mind…” he persisted. 

 

“Tell me why I should, why is this so important to you? You’re in good health, and I have no desire to take over any of your business affairs, there’s literally no reason for me to come back. I’m doing fine over here, cleaning up after your messes.” he hissed aggressively. 

 

It was so unlike him to get so upset this quickly, but perhaps he had held back far too long. Yet he couldn’t say too much. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes slowly, trying to recover his composure. 

 

“I know, I’ve screwed up a lot, and I know you don’t want to help me with business, but it’ll be a good, stable future for you. It’s to your benefit to reconsider.” he said calmly. 

 

Noel saw something move out of the corner of his eye, but it happened so quickly, he couldn’t make out what was happening until it was too late to stop it. Jumin gently pried his phone from his hand, as if sensing his distress. He spoke with his usual formality, his words almost more embarrassing than he expected him capable of. Jumin and Jaehee both had made passing mention to him being skilled enough to talk people into his terms, only for him to cut contact when it suited him, perhaps he was witnessing it now. 

 

“Hello, this is Jumin Han. I understand that you need to speak with Noel a little more, but I need to borrow him just a little while longer.” he said. “Hm? My relationship with him?” he asked in reply, lending it only a moment’s thought before continuing. “He is my lover. Oh. Yes, it’s serious. I apologize for not speaking with you sooner. Yes, I’ll be sure to remind him to call you later. Thank you so much, have a pleasant evening.” 

 

The moment he hung up, he handed the phone back to him, sitting down again as if nothing unusual had happened just then. He had a million questions in his mind all at once, but he didn’t want to push his luck by asking all of them. Knowing how he felt about being bothered while he was working, he decided to pick out just one. 

 

“Why did you help me like that?” he asked, genuinely confused. 

 

“Stress is bad for your health. That was all.” he paused, tipping his head up in thought, smiling. 

 

It was the kind of smile that seemed quite nice, but he knew better, there was more to it than that, there was an almost imperceptible sense of wickedness in that far too innocent looking face. 

 

“Though...it seems you owe me a favor now.” he said, with a satisfied, triumphant hum. 

 

He didn’t have the heart to tell him that he didn’t think he owed him anything for helping without his asking. Although considering Jaehee’s usual workload, he was quite apprehensive to learn what it was he wanted. 

“What can I do for you then?” he asked nervously. 

 

He nodded his head as if he had settled on something finally. Casting a glance over his shoulder, his eyes glinted suspiciously. 

 

“I helped you with your father, it’s only fair you help me with mine.” he said. 

 

“Help how though?” he pressed, a sinking feeling in his stomach. 

 

“My father is also interested in me getting married. I hate giving any credibility to false rumors, but perhaps it is the best way after all.” he muttered. “My father is expected to arrive here soon, in fact. I can assume from what little I heard, your father doesn’t mind the idea of you marrying a man, so I might guess you’ve had experience with them before.” 

 

Noel chuckled softly, nodding. “I do indeed. I’m not fond of women. There was a time I was, however.” 

 

“Come here then. I’m not very natural like this, it has to be quite convincing. So I will practice with you until I understand it perfectly.” he said, as if it were a completely normal request. “You write these sort of things, do you not? It should be easy for you to come up with something.” 

 

Imagining a plausible scenario wasn’t the problem. It was that the idea of using his own work as fodder for such a situation that he didn’t like. Still, maybe it was worth it to not have to deal with the pestering phone calls for a little while. Noel stood up, frowning a little at the idea of messing up such a nice suit, fumbling with the top two buttons, pulling it around enough to rumple it up. He pulled out his hair tie, fluffing up his hair, taking a good look around before crossing to his side. Noel ran his fingers through Jumin’s hair a few times, enough to make it look a bit messy, but not too much. He gestured for him to move his paperwork aside, which he did with surprisingly little difficulty. Noel moved to sit on the desk, evening out their heights a little more. 

 

“So...have you ever kissed anyone at all?” he asked, trying to decide how much work this would be. 

 

“No, I never saw a need to.” he said. 

 

This was going to be full instruction after all. Noel reached for his hands, putting one around his waist. 

 

“Think of this much like dancing then, surely you’ve done that. It is acceptable for your hand to wander a little in the heat of the moment, but stay in the general area. He brought his other hand to rest on the back of his neck. “This one, it looks more natural for it to be here. You can play with my hair if you choose, but it looks more intimate there.” 

 

Jumin watched him, almost blank in his expression, his hands completely still, not even a faint twitch. Maybe he was a bit more robotic than he imagined. Knowing he had no experience in this area, he had to take initiative here too. He leaned in, kissing him gently at first, small, quick pecks. After a short time, he dared to go a little further, deepening his kiss, his tongue pressing against his lips before Jumin stopped him. 

 

“What is the difference?” he asked. 

 

“Difference?” he wondered. “Between using your tongue or not? Well, kissing someone on the lips isn’t nearly as intimate. From experience, kissing just on the mouth is not enough to fool someone.” 

 

“I see. Then, in that case, do as you need to.” he said. 

 

His lack of emotion on the matter was strangely awkward, something like trying to kiss a statue. Still, maybe he could be taught. Although this far, he wouldn’t blame his father for not believing there was anything between them at all. Leaning in again, he picked up where he left off, mildly surprised when Jumin’s lips parted to let his tongue in, going slow at first to demonstrate how it was done before offering a more authentic feel. There was a knock at the door, opening slowly. A surprised gasp filled the room, Noel’s eyes flitting to the door to see a very surprised Jaehee standing there, unsure if she should leave or wait. Noel pulled away, looking to the surface of the desk in silence. Jumin calmly turned to look at her, as if nothing out of the ordinary had been happening. 

 

“What is it, Assistant Kang?’ he asked. 

 

She snapped back to attention, clearing her throat. “Ah. Yes, I’ve been told to let you know your father is on his way here. He will arrive in around twenty minutes.” 

 

Without waiting for his answer, she closed the door, the clicking of her heels echoing down the hall. Twenty minutes wasn’t long, he had an idea. Grabbing his phone, he tapped away, searching for a document from the cloud, navigating the pages furiously. He hated the idea of subjecting someone, especially someone as refined as Jumin, to his poor work, but it had to be done. He handed it over to him, waving a hand at the phone idly. 

 

“Read through that. We don’t have enough time to go through everything step by step. This will give you a general idea, and hopefully we can pull it off convincingly.” he sighed. 

 

There was a strange coldness on his skin when his hands moved away. Impossible to say what he was thinking with that unreadable expression, but even still, his eyes moved in a way that meant he actually was reading it. Oddly, there was nothing more embarrassing than watching someone reading the trash he wrote, even more when he considered the content. Anyone would be surprised to see him read such a thing. His thumb flicked the screen from time to time, though Noel was more interested in staring down the clock anxiously. He didn’t look up from the phone, but he spoke, startling him slightly. 

 

“Is this the sort of thing you’re into? “ he asked quietly. 

 

Noel shook his head vehemently. “I wouldn’t bother writing my own fetishes.” 

 

“The way you worded that says you do have them though. I wonder what your taste is.” he sighed, pressing a finger against the side of his head while he read. 

 

He laughed nervously, a clearly forced laugh. Hopefully dodging the question and twisting it with a challenge would work, it usually did. “If I told you, would you actually do it though?” 

 

“I suppose if this goes over well enough, I’d at least consider it. It’s appropriate to compensate someone for their superior efforts.” he said. 

 

Coughing quietly, he swept his hand through his hair. “I’m not even sure you’re aware of the kind of thing you’re suggesting.” 

 

In truth, he wasn’t even sure what to say about it. The easiest option would be to think of something objectionable. If he felt the need to consider something of the sort, telling him something he wouldn’t reasonably enjoy would be the best way to get him to forget about it. 

 

“I’m aware. That doesn’t matter, however. It really depends on how you do, doesn’t it? He’ll be here any minute now.” he said, handing the phone back. 


	8. Good Business

There was a sense of urgency as the clock wound down, although that wasn’t the only thing on his mind. Something about hearing the way Jumin’s father treated him, the idea of forcing him to marry someone like the women his own father had struggled to introduce him to that triggered something. One vivid memory, a beautiful woman,  and the cold indifference to the situation. No, it had nothing to do with her, but he was prepared for this. Noel had plenty of experience slipping out of it that he almost felt a strange sense of duty to help Jumin out of this now. It didn’t feel like enough to be convincing, he wanted to pull it off well enough to make even Jumin himself second guess this. Glancing towards him with a determined gaze, he braced against the desk, taking a slow, steadying breath. 

 

“It’s about time. Are you ready?” he asked, with all the seriousness he could muster. 

 

“Of course. I believe I have it memorized well enough.” he answered. 

 

Best to get a head start on this, in case his father decided to arrive a few minutes earlier than expected anyway. Jumin stood up, straightening his tie, staring at him with that same blankness he had before. His palm flattened against his shoulder, pushing him back, spread across his desk, this wasn’t exactly part of the plan, but he had no doubts that between the reading and his demonstration that a little improv couldn’t hurt. His hands came to rest on either side of his head, bending to meet him. He situated himself between his thighs, close enough together that he could feel the heat emanating from him. He smelled interesting, a scent he couldn’t recognize, strong, but not overpowering, a perfect balance. His lips pressed to his, gently at first, just like they had practiced, though it almost felt like there was no need for it. He had a sneaking suspicion that he had somehow made a mistake by unleashing him like this, and yet, it wasn’t unpleasant in the least. 

 

He stole his breath away, forcing his lips apart with little effort, his tongue wedging in to brush against Noel’s, drawing out an honest, if faint moan. It was rare that a kiss alone could have this kind of effect on him, not since his first experience. There was a knock on the door, the very thing they had been expecting, but it was no reason to stop. Jumin shifted slightly, recalling what he had told him before, repositioning so one hand twined in his hair, the other, tugging his shirt up a little. Resting it against his hip, his thumb slowly brushing over the small spot of bared skin. The door opened, a warm greeting abruptly cut off in favor of a startled outburst, though Noel admitted to himself he hadn’t heard a word of it, every ounce of focus drawn to him, silently hoping it looked as authentic as it felt. 

 

“What is this? Explain yourself!” an older man cried out. 

 

Beyond that was the shocked gasp of a woman, melting into sobbing in what felt like a split second. Of course she was crying, woman were manipulative creatures who cried when it suited their goals, right? He didn’t have to look to know this woman wanted something out of the situation, and the shocking discovery of her ticket to wealth being so entangled with another man, one who was almost definitely better looking at that. He wasn’t a proud man by any stretch of the word, but he knew he was pretty, even if it meant nothing to him personally. Jumin finally broke the kiss, shooting a furious glare over his shoulder. So even he could pull off a look like that? Noel was legitimately impressed, considering how he had said emotions were a waste. 

 

“Something you needed that couldn’t wait a little while?” he asked, his tone cold. 

 

“Jumin, who is this?” the man asked. 

 

He seemed poised to answer, until a devious smirk crossed his face, looking back to him, lofting a brow as if to suggest he should answer it instead. Jumin reached a hand out to help him sit up, fondling his hair when he let go, almost lovingly. Noel cleared his throat, not bothering to compose himself in the least, his hair still messy, clothes disheveled, cheeks flushed deeply, it was all good. 

 

“Ah! I’m so sorry. My name is Noel Moon, I am Jumin’s lover. We had been trying to keep it quite private, but he begged me to give in just this once, and I couldn’t resist. It wasn’t proper in the least, but if someone must be punished, I will be the one to accept it.” he said apologetically, his head lowered deeply. 

 

He looked between them, before offering a regretful look to the woman he had brought with. “I’m sorry, could you wait outside. I will do what I can to resolve this matter.” 

 

She rubbed at her eyes, rushing out of the room. The door slammed shut behind her, and the man pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose with a frustrated sigh. 

 

“Those rumors, when I asked you before, you denied them vehemently. You wouldn’t even consider marriage, and now, I find you like this with another man...are you actually gay?” he asked. 

 

Jumin pulled Noel a little closer, shrugging. “I can’t say whether I like men. I just know that I like Noel. He’s very dear to me. Either way, that woman out there can’t compare. I will do everything in my power to resist this, and any other attempt to pry into my love life. I am by far the best worker in this company, and my sector turns out the most profit. If you’d rather not lose your best asset, it would be wise to back off.” 

 

His father seemed to consider his words for a short time before reaching a decision. “I need some time to think on this. As much as I was looking forward to seeing you, I think it’s best if I leave for now. While I’m away, I expect this will stay out of the news, so don’t do anything reckless.” 

 

He didn’t bother looking his way, only offering Jumin a slight nod as he left. Jumin kept him close until he was certain his father was far enough away to not hear their conversation. Straightening his tie again, he helped him off the desk, taking his seat once more after retrieving his scattered documents. 

 

“It seems he believed it. I had been considering it for a short time now, I may as well tell you now. You wish to research me, correct? I am in a position to believe you performed well enough to compensate you as we discussed. As such, why don’t you stay at the penthouse tonight? You’ll have more for your notes, and I’m sure whatever it is you wish, I can manage.” he paused, tapping his jaw in thought. “Though it may be preferable to wait until we arrive to discuss this further. I think we’ve disrupted things enough for one night.” 

 

There was another knock at the door, Jaehee timidly poking her head through the door. She held out a few bags in her hands, Noel took them from her, looking in them before handing one back with a kind smile. “Here, take this one. You need your energy, right? Consider it also as an apology for earlier.” 

 

She adjusted her glasses, her cheeks flushing slightly. Accepting it from him with a slight nod, she smiled for just a moment. “Thank you. I will return to my office to enjoy this!” 

 

He closed the door behind her, placing one of the remaining bags next to Jumin on the desk, returning to the chair. 

 

“What’s this?” he asked. 

“I actually forgot that when I arrived, I asked Jaehee to order something for lunch. I didn’t think she would accept it if I told her to get something substantial for herself, so I told her I was hungry. Even if you say you don’t want it, or it’s not to your taste, you should still eat it. You can’t keep up your energy on an empty stomach either.” he lectured. 

 

Jumin’s eyes narrowed briefly, frowning at the sudden curiosity on the matter. “How did you know that would even work?” 

 

Noel laughed, talking without even giving it a second thought, regretting it only after it had already left his mouth. “Min can be a little stubborn about it too, so it’s a trick I use to get him to eat too, when he doesn’t feel like it. Oh! No...ahh...let’s not talk about him though. A-anyway, you should eat it before it gets cold. Oh..I guess you probably don’t eat things like this either. I’m sorry, I didn’t think it through very well…” 

 

Jumin glanced over, Noel was smiling, but it wasn’t a happy one, even he could tell that much. It was a sort of self-deprecating smile that said he was mentally making fun of himself for such a simple mistake. His eyes shifted back to the contents of the bag, clearly it wasn’t the usual quality he preferred. It likely wasn’t even half as healthy, and yet, even so he felt a strange sense of responsibility about it. He couldn’t possibly be concerned about his feelings, though he couldn’t quite explain it to himself. 

 

“This is fine. Thank you.” he said simply. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: NSFW


	9. Repaid Debts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure about this. I think it's alright though.

If there was anything to be said about the emotionally lukewarm Jumin Han, he certainly got things done, and quickly. So quick, in fact, there was no time to regret his entirely sarcastic words. More than that, he was utterly curious about what put these ideas in his head, it wasn’t him. He knew the particular selection he had let him read had nothing on this in it, of course he knew, he wrote it after all. His mistake was a simple, rookie error, he took his admitted innocence to mean he had no idea what to do. Strangely, he couldn’t take his eyes off of him, only partly because of how oddly alluring he was, a certain grace and maturity in his actions. The rest was concern, wondering just what he had planned, and what he had gotten himself into. One simple statement, said in joking, led to this. Jumin stood over him, staring down at him in an almost chilling way, pushing him back. He leaned over him, his chest so close he could make out every detail, completely distracted by his presence that he failed entirely to notice what he was doing until it was too late to complain. Well, of course he could have insisted he had been joking, but surely Jumin didn’t understand that. Business relied on sticking to the terms of a deal, and he didn’t back out of any agreement he had reached. It would only look bad if he was the one to say he wasn’t prepared to stick to what he said. 

 

When he pulled away, Noel moved to sit up, the sound of rattling catching his attention moments before he snapped back, following the restraints to the bed, the chain connecting him rather short. He wasn’t playing nicely after all, but it would be a lie to say he wasn’t curious at all to see what else he had in store. His palm flattened against his chest, lifting to trail his fingers slowly down, hesitating just below his hip, tracing the shape he encountered. 

 

“What’s this?” he asked. 

 

“It’s nothing special. Call it childish foolishness. That’s what that is.” he muttered, looking away. 

 

“Hm. There will be time to discuss it later.” he sighed. 

 

He bent to retrieve his tie from his suit, fixing it tightly over his eyes, a faint smirk drawing his mouth up, fading quickly enough to wonder if he imagined it. Noel bit his lip, trying to ignore the sudden tingle down his spine, and the goosebumps that accompanied the thrill he felt at not being able to see what he was planning. 

 

“I must admit, you’re surprising me. Where did you come up with all this?” Noel murmured.

 

There was silence for a short time, punctuated by a familiar sound, and then the smell of sulfur. “You might be surprised what people think of. I believe the reviews said that you know better than anyone that everyone has something to hide, right?” he paused, his fingers returning to his hip before continuing. “Like that butler. Except he had something not so clever to hide. You might think about it a little more.” 

 

Noel was prepared to tell him just what he thought about hearing that he had purposely read the reviews and apparently more than just a snippet of his work, only managing to hiss out a sharp breath at the burning he felt against his chest, a hot trail dripping down his stomach. 

 

“Yes...as I thought, it looks good on you. The red suits your skin perfectly.” he observed thoughtfully. “I wonder if I’m being too easy on you.” 

 

His palm brushed his knee, pulling his leg to the side, that brief, but delightful burn trickling over his thigh, making his toes curl, twisting around, pulling at the chains. He groaned inadvertently at the sharp feeling on his other thigh, warm and wet, he didn’t have to see to know what he was doing. It was something to seriously consider for his next work. He hated the idea of including anything remotely similar in his writing, but at the same time, the apprehensive feeling of not being able to see what was happening actually did nothing to hamper his understanding of what was going on around him. The smells, and different sensations, even the sounds were more noticeable, something he hadn’t really appreciated in this way before. Jumin made a line from his thigh to his knee, and he could vividly picture the reddened marks along his skin, shivering in anticipation. 

 

There was a small pause, his breath soft, and he guessed he had blown out the candle, his warm presence vanishing briefly, only to be replaced with a wet sensation pressed between his thighs.  Noel tested the restraints again, his hands clenching, biting his lip again, harder this time. He tried to match the slow, easy pace, feeling a bit guilty about how quickly he was giving in to him, but it was almost like if he had tried to, he wouldn’t have been able to resist. It wasn’t like his personality was particularly crushing, but more like he was too calm, dominating in a way he didn’t even know existed. As much as he would have preferred the standard interview, there was no refuting that there was a lot to take from it. Pulling his fingers free of him, he felt the edge of the bed sink down, bare skin brushing against his sides. He moved closer, his tongue tracing his collarbone, pressing into him slowly. Noel strained against the chains again, pulling harder in the vain hope of pulling free. 

 

“You know what to say if you want out that badly.” Jumin reminded him. 

 

No way in hell. Even if it was unbearable, there was no way he could ever say those things. If he had asked him to, he could happily have used every curse word he knew, said the most graphic things he could think of, but that, he couldn’t bring himself to ever say. His lips brushed against his ear, the feel of his words enough to make him shiver again, gasping. 

 

“I might believe you didn’t like this, if not for the evidence.” he sighed. Biting his lobe, his tongue swirled slowly against it. “Show me how much you like it.” 

 

His nails dug into his palms, rolling awkwardly against him. His head jerked back, his hair twined loosely around Jumin’s fingers, whimpering softly. Even the way he fit around him was almost painful, but still not enough to convince him to give in, although there was something too intriguing about the way the unemotional man was treating him, he had to wonder just what was going on in his mind, how much he held in all those years, and how much more he would let out before he decided it was too much. Thanks to the way he held his hair, his harder thrusts cushioned his head to avoid being slammed into the headboard. He wouldn’t admit to it, but it was bothering him that he couldn’t see the look on his face, or see the way his expression shifted, the way his lips parted, all of it was something he wanted to know. Jumin spoke quietly, eager to prolong his torment, it seemed. 

 

“Since you seem reluctant to admit defeat, tell me what you want...I want to hear you say it…” he groaned softly. 

 

Noel licked his lips nervously, bringing his legs to rest at his sides. It was harder than he expected to put it into words when he was prompted, it seemed. Instead, he tightened his legs around his waist, pulling him closer. Jumin tightened his grip on his hair again, drawing his head back, going for his throat. He bit firmly, but not enough to hurt more than he could handle, wordlessly still demanding his obedience. He hated that asking for anything felt too much like needing help, but the ache was only getting more urgent, and it was becoming impossible to ignore completely. Drawing in a deep, shaking breath, he wetted his lips once more, squeezing his eyes shut in a way that was more meant to shut out the protests left in his thoughts. 

 

“I want more...I want everything you’ve got…” he murmured. 

 

As if that was all that was holding him back, the hand at his side shifted to his hip, pinning him down firmly. He was certain it was enough to leave marks on his skin, his blunted nails digging in slightly. The sound between them grew louder, matching up with the new pace he set, hard enough to jolt him in place, enough to make him more than a little concerned about anyone hearing and knowing exactly what was going on. His hold on his waist slipped, like all the strength in his legs had vanished almost all at once, the chains rattling with a renewed attempt to break free. It was futile, and he knew that, but it was the only thing he could manage in that moment to warn him. His words faltered, a strange, quivering moan escaping instead of any coherent warning. His body arched involuntarily, fingers clenching and relaxing anxiously, flooded with warmth, unable to discern briefly what had happened.  

 

It took what felt like a long time before Jumin slowly pulled away from him, lazily reaching to remove the makeshift blindfold. It must have looked almost comical, twisting his head to the side, slowly opening his eyes to avoid being overwhelmed with light, and yet he didn’t laugh at all. He walked across the room, snagging a small key from the dresser, unlocking the restraints, a strangely pleased sound bubbling up as he examined the marks left on his wrists from struggling. Thankfully, Jumin wasn’t given to emotional responses, it saved him the trouble of sitting in awkward silence while he gave a speech about what just happened. Instead, he busied himself picking out clothes for the next morning, speaking distractedly as he did. 

 

“I trust that you’re satisfied? I am content to consider it repaid if you are.” he said. 

 

“Oh...yes, I’m fine as well.” Noel said, getting up to hunt for his clothing. 

 

“If it’s a problem, there’s a shower in the next room. There’s another on the other end of the penthouse. There’s no need to share. Otherwise, I don’t see a reason to go to such lengths.” he told him. 

 

“Either way is fine.” he replied with a shrug. 

 

He really wanted to check his phone, but that much could certainly wait until after he washed up. At least to him, it was suspicious that he hadn’t heard it go off in awhile. He should have at least received some kind of update. So help him if she had gone out again and left him alone, he would make the past feel like a dream. There wasn’t much time left until the party, and if he had his way, before that day arrived he would be back in his own house. She’d be on the first plane out of the country, and out of his hair. Of course, with her would have to go a very passive aggressive e-mail with all the dirt he had on her. 

 

“Noel? Are you coming or not?” Jumin asked. His tone told him this wasn’t the first time he had asked that question. “I can order something if you need it.” 

 

Noel snapped out of his thoughts, shaking his head. “I was only thinking. Nothing important.” he mumbled, moving to follow him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be a bit plotty after this.


	10. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A phone call delays Noel's return to the apartment in favor of going to the hospital.

Jumin woke early for work, mildly surprised to see Noel in the living room, arguing over the phone with someone. He had initially assumed it to be his father again, but it sounded more intense than before. 

 

“No, don’t give me any excuses. I know exactly what you’ve been up to. Just tell me where to go and I’ll be there. Don’t think you’re getting off the hook so easily this time!” he hissed. 

 

“Noel, come on. I have a life too, and I can’t just be stuck here following rules you set if you’re not even going to be around to enforce them.” Nari complained. 

 

“That’s not how this works. I told you, I can’t get away, but I’ll be home soon enough. All I asked was for you to watch him while I’m away. I’ve kept your business from reaching my father, but so help me, I  _ will _ tell him. I’ll see what I can do to come home sooner, and when I do, I’m sending you back. You will never interfere again. Do you understand me? Text me the address.” he told her. 

 

“Okay...okay...just calm down, it might not even be anything serious. I’m going to hang up now so I can send you the information.” she mumbled. 

 

He hung up as well, staring impatiently at the screen while he waited. Jumin had no intention to interfere, but something told him he should. 

 

“Do you need a ride somewhere?” he asked quietly. 

 

“I need to go to the hospital.” he answered. 

 

“I see. In that case, come with me. Driver Kim will take us there, I’ll call Assistant Kang and rearrange my schedule.” he said, his tone telling him arguing was pointless.

 

Noel grabbed his jacket, following him out, muttering under his breath the whole way until they reached the car. Forcing a polite smile, he greeted the driver, giving him the address at Jumin’s prompting. This was already too much to ask, instead deciding to get ahold of Seven, sending a brief text. 

 

‘Need to talk to V immediately. Make it happen.’ 

 

The ride to the hospital was largely silent, save for Jumin’s phone call to Jaehee. He could hear it clear as day, she sounded annoyed at the unplanned schedule change. If he thought it would have done any good, he would have happily told him to go back to work and leave him to deal with this on his own. As it stood, this was going to make things more challenging. Not just that, but the thing he tried hardest to keep to himself was most likely about to come out. He just wasn’t ready to explain anything, it was hard enough realizing he was about to see the person he most despised in this world. Incidentally, the hospital wasn’t very far, either that or Driver Kim really was earning whatever he was paid and took the least occupied roads he had ever seen. He barely waited for the car to stop completely before hopping out, his angry pace one he imagined was hard to keep up with, but Jumin matched it with ease, his expression as blank as ever. If he felt anything in particular, it was impossible to tell, but if he was calm about this, he was surely a better man than he was. 

 

He slowed when he reached the door, walking up to the counter. Seeing the receptionist, he smiled charmingly, leaning in slightly. 

 

“Can I help you?” she asked pleasantly. 

 

“Yes, my name is Noel Moon, and I was wondering which room I could find Min Moon in?” he asked kindly. 

 

“Oh, yes! He’s in the room at the end of the hall, to the right. Your wife is already waiting in there.” she answered. 

 

He nodded his thanks, waiting until he was out of earshot to say anything, huffed under his breath, the sharp pop of cracking knuckles echoing in the long hall. “Wife my ass. As if I’d ever marry her.” 

 

Jumin followed him into the room, the woman sitting in the corner completely ignored the moment he saw the bed. A fragile looking young boy sat up, rather pale, an IV sticking out of his hand. He brightened up instantly when he noticed Noel, smiling ear to ear. 

 

“Daddy! You’re really here!” he cheered. 

 

Jumin’s expression changed slightly, questioning, but not saying a word. He countered his look in a way he hoped came across as an unwillingness to explain. Noel pulled up a chair by the side of the bed, brushing his hair from his face, looking at him with a kindness even Jumin hadn’t seen before. 

 

“How are you feeling? Do you need anything? I can ask if it’s okay to get you some juice. Would you like that?” he asked. 

 

“No, I just want you to stay here with me…” he murmured. 

 

He looked genuinely sad for a moment, nodding. “Of course. Anything you want, alright?” He turned away, his eyes narrowing to thin slits, finally acknowledging the woman. “I just need to speak with Nari in private for just a bit, alright? I’ll come right back.” 

 

The boy nodded, pulling at his blanket, drawing it up higher. “Hurry back…” 

 

Jumin noted the way his hand curled up into a tight ball, his other reaching out, planted firmly on her lower back. It didn’t escape notice that she seemed reluctant to be led away by him. He forced another smile, looking to him for a moment. 

 

“I hate to ask this of you, but would you mind keeping him company until I return? I won’t be long.” he asked. 

 

He said nothing at first, looking between him and the boy before finally agreeing. It was against his better judgment, but he had no intention of interfering with private business. They entered a room across the hall that seemed empty, the door closing loudly behind him. 

Nari said nothing still, unsure what to expect. His attention was completely on his phone, looking through a few records. 

 

“So. You have a life of your own, that was what you said, right? Looks like you weren’t lying about that. Who was it this time? You’ve been leaving a lot more than I was led to believe. It only takes one call and I’ll know, I can get the pictures at any time. I’m giving you the chance to explain yourself.” he said calmly. 

 

“I only left when Min was sleeping, or when he was busy with his studies, I swear! I didn’t stay away for long, either… “ she said nervously. 

 

“Really? That’s your defense? I see here an absence in the middle of the day, you didn’t come back for three hours. You weren’t watching him at all…” He stopped, reaching out, not surprised when she flinched away. He brushed her hair from her face, his fingers trailing over the raised scar occupying a good portion of her face. “I don’t know what’s going through that funny little brain of yours.” 

 

Nari slapped his hand away, taking a step back, trying to put a little distance between them. “You really want that man to hear you?” 

 

He tilted his head curiously, grinning. “You really think I care if Jumin hears this? You’re backing away. That means even you know you messed up…” 

 

Nari’s back met the wall, and she frowned, trapped between a cabinet, the wall and him. “What will you do then? Are you going to kill me? Even daddy can’t save you then…” 

 

He stopped in front of her, staring at her. “I haven’t decided yet. You’re not worth that much of my time. Women like you are a dime a dozen. I did say I’d shut you up, but I was thinking more literally.” 

 

Taking another step closer, almost close enough to touch, barely enough room for a piece of paper between them, he gripped her jaw, trying to pull her mouth open until a voice called to him. 

 

“You asked for me, I’m here. Why don’t you let her go and talk to me.” a man said. 

 

Moments later, a hand gently grabbed his, pulling gently, a flash of silvery-white hair coming into view in the corner of his eye. He let go in surprise, drawn away from her enough to give her a chance to run out of the room. 

 

“What are you doing here? I don’t believe I even told you that this was where I’d be.” he said firmly. 

 

“Didn’t have to. I mentioned to Seven that I couldn’t get ahold of you. He called Jumin, and Jumin told me you were here. Said he didn’t particularly see a need for me to know, except he thought something was going on. He’s still with the boy in the other room, said you asked him to keep him company, so here we are.” he explained. 

 

Turning around completely, he saw the other man. His brows drew together curiously, crossing the room. The man smiled slightly, looking down to him, greeting him kindly. 

 

“Hello, Noel. Been awhile, hasn’t it?” he asked pleasantly. 

 

He reached up, taking the dark glasses off, tipping his head as if trying to remember something important. His expression turned bitter, thrusting the glasses back into his hands, looking away. 

 

“You could have told me who you were from the start, you know?” he huffed. 

 

Zen glanced between the two. “You know each other?” 

 

V gave a slight nod. “Not as well as perhaps you or the others, but we’ve been acquainted for awhile. I spent several months in France about 6 years ago. We met back then.” 

 

Noel crossed his arms defensively, his shoulders raising. “That’s all you have to say? ‘We’ve been acquainted’? Clearly I thought more of it than you did. I didn’t think for a moment that it was you when you so generously ‘invited’ me into the RFA.” 

 

It was tainted with sarcasm, but V smiled despite that. “Noel, you had something important to talk to me about. I was just going to text you, but Zen was on the way here, so I thought I’d come see you in person.” 

 

Recalling the reason, he hesitantly turned to face him again. “I can’t stay at the apartment. I need to go home, today if possible. Min needs me, and Nari has worn out her welcome. I intend to buy a ticket and put her on the first plane out today. If she isn’t out of my sight, I’ll...I’ll end up doing something again.” 

 

V sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I know how you feel, but the party isn’t far away, can you hold out until then?” 

 

“What do you mean ‘again’?” Zen asked. 

 

“I told you before. I can be cold and I don’t have very good control of myself. Didn’t you get a good look at her face? That was me. No. I can’t wait that long, I need to be the one to look after him, I don’t trust Nari to watch him, and he can’t be in that house alone. I refuse to send him to father, which leaves me. I am what he knows, he needs me.” he explained. 

 

“Give me a bit to think this over. In the meantime, I think you should at least explain the situation to Hyun and Jumin. They are here for you, after all. Shouldn’t you tell them what’s going on.” he said. 

 

“What do you know? I don’t need you to tell me the right thing to do.” he huffed grumpily. 

 

V glanced at Zen, nodding to him once, not saying a word. At his gesture, Zen carefully guided him out of the room. “It’s not the best time, but you do still owe me one more date. You should try and cool off a little, why don’t we go somewhere, just the two of us. If you can’t talk to V or Jumin, you can trust me.” 

 

“Fine, whatever. I don’t care what we do, but I can’t be away long. I promised Min…” he sighed, pressing his palm to his eye. 

 

Zen didn’t need to explain further, this was both an attempt to get him to cool off and the means to try and get him to talk about what was going on. He wasn’t a fool, he understood this routine all too well, and while he didn’t particularly want to calm down or say anything about the situation, if it sped things up, he supposed he could manage. What did it matter if one more person knew what had happened? 

 


	11. The Unburied Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noel discusses a little of his past with Zen

Noel took a seat at the table, stretching out. Zen sat next to him, taking the cold stare he offered surprisingly well. He reached in his pocket, fetching a cigarette, struggling with his lighter for a few moments before managing to light it.

 

“I’d offer you one, but I recall you’re trying to quit.” he muttered. 

 

He shrugged, holding out his hand. “I haven’t fully quit. I’ll take one.” 

 

He put the pack in his hand, parting with his lighter long enough for him to get it lit before handing both back, slipping them back into his pocket.

 

“You must have questions, might as well ask. Jihyun is off limits. Anything else, feel free.”  he said. 

 

Things in the hospital had seemed unusually tense even before V had shown up, it was odd that he drew the line there. There was absolutely a story there, but he was more curious about the boy and the woman, if he was being honest.

 

“Start from the beginning. What’s with the kid?” he decided to ask. 

 

“Contrary to what he says, I’m not his father. In fact, he’s my little brother. As to why he’s with me, it’s because, much like Jumin, the only things my father cares for is his business and his girlfriend. I came back here because...the reason isn’t important, but I didn’t want to leave him there. Nari’s visa ran out, and he wasn’t ready to get married, so he sent her back to stay with us.” he explained, kneading his brow. 

 

“So then that woman is your father’s girlfriend? I take it things weren’t always so bad?” he wondered. 

 

“Not at first. I thought she was nice, a good match for him. I thought it was a bit soon after our mother passed. It wasn’t until she came back that I began to hate her. She immediately took over, tried to run everything. I told her it was my house, and she couldn’t do as she pleased. Then I came back from a conference one day to find that she had thrown out all of my mother’s things. It was like she was trying to replace her. I snapped, threw a kettle of boiling water at her, missed her for the most part, but the scarring on her face? I told you I did it.” he said, shrugging. 

 

“Not to dismiss that, but that’s the whole reason you’re holding a grudge against her? Isn’t it enough to send her back?” he asked quietly. 

 

“Father keeps telling me her paperwork still isn’t finished. I think he’s just changed his mind about her. If he hasn’t, then he will after I send him everything I’ve kept track of. She’s been sleeping around on him for a long time. I have detailed records, and evidently, there’s a lot of pictures.” he chuckled. 

 

“You never talk about Min, aside from vague comments, like why he’s in the hospital...why is that?” his words were muffled against his hand for a moment. 

 

“I like to keep my personal life private. He tends to get sick from time to time, which is the only reason I let Nari watch him while I was at the apartment. I talked it over with my father a few times, and I’ve almost worn him down. He barely remembers him, that’s why he calls me dad. “ he mumbled, putting out his cigarette, only to light another right after. 

 

“So before, when you said you weren’t interested, it wasn’t necessarily that you really weren’t, but...what...you’re concerned about him instead?” Zen cautiously put a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“What do you want me to say, that I want to date you or something?” he huffed. “Look, you’re attractive, and I do enjoy being around you, I guess that’s the best I can offer right now.” 

 

It felt like the dots were slowly beginning to connect. Even though he had said not to talk about V, he thought he might have understood something. He had once mentioned acting on impulse, and what he thought was love had faded. V said they had been acquainted six years ago, that was the year before he met Rika. It was possible there had been something between them, something that for whatever reason, didn’t go very well. He wanted to ask, but at the same time, he seemed upset enough. He noticed the way he was looking at him, frowning a bit, like he could read his mind.

 

“I think I understand. Would it make any difference if I said I never thought I’d end up feeling this way for...not a girl?” he asked apprehensively. 

 

“You’re crazy. Even with what I’ve done, what I was just about to do, and even knowing I’m basically raising my own brother, you’re still trying…” he sighed. “Ugh...maybe, I can’t answer right now, I need time…” he glanced at his watch, putting out the cigarette, standing up. “I need to get back, I’ve been away longer than I meant to be.” 

 

Zen nodded, standing also, lost in thought for a short time before he answered him. “I’ll talk to V for you. Maybe if I tell him it’s a good idea for you to go home, he might be okay with it.” 

 

Noel swept his hand through his hair, considering it. “He might still say no. It would be nice. I’d even agree to giving the address to everyone. I don’t need to use Rika’s computer, so I don’t see how it makes a difference where I work from. This really wasn’t what I’d call a date, so...I guess I won’t count it.” 

 

He grinned slightly at that, but decided not to comment on it. At least it felt like he was admitting to some degree of interest, or else he would have simply said it counted anyway. Noel sighed again, clutching the nape of his neck, wondering how well Min and Jumin were getting along. He had said he didn’t want anything to drink, and he guessed with the IV, he might be okay, but still, maybe it was just guilt over being away for as long as he had, but he wanted to do  _ something _ for him. It was tacky, but maybe something from the gift shop on the way back to the room. 

 

“Hey, do you want me to order something? I didn’t have breakfast, and it’s getting close to lunch. I’m not going anywhere, and if I had to guess, I don’t think Jumin or V plan on leaving until things calm down.” he asked. 

 

“Yeah, I guess I could eat. I’ll check with the nurse on the way in and see if he’s allowed to eat yet. If he’s anything like me, he probably hates the hospital food…” he muttered. 

 

“You’ve been before?” he asked, trying to make conversation. 

 

“Once, when I was younger. It wasn’t anything too serious, but I had to stay for a little under a week. My mother stayed with me the whole time, singing to me, holding my hand, telling me stories. I don’t remember her sleeping while I was awake, I think she didn’t until after I had gone to sleep. Part of me is glad Min doesn’t remember her, to realize what he’s lost would only hurt.” he said. 

 

He tried to play it off like it didn’t bother him, but there were faint traces left behind on his face, proof that it still hurt. Probably made worse by the way his father acted, and his choice in women. The girl barely seemed much older than Noel was, and by all accounts acted as though she were younger. Of course there was no way someone like that could come close to what he remembered. 

 

V stood outside the hospital, smiling when they approached, though if the sour look Noel shot his way dampened his mood, it didn’t show at all. 

 

“Feeling better?” he asked pleasantly. 

 

“You’re still here, and I’m guessing Nari still hasn’t choked to death on a dick, so not really.” he hissed. 

 

“If you’d like, I’d be more than happy to talk through things with you. That will have to wait, however. Min is anxious to see you. Jumin has been reading to him, but he seems lost as far as how to deal with him.” he said. 

 

“Fine. We’ll talk later. After I see my brother and get rid of that woman.” he sighed, walking away. 

 

Zen hung back for a moment, taking a long, slow breath. “I don’t know what happened, but whatever it was, I think it scarred him. You could have told him who you were, if you knew him…” 

 


End file.
